Chuck vs the Demon
by Mystlynx
Summary: Sarah wrestles with a crisis of identity. A mission has led to unforseen circumstances and it all hits her very hard. Includes the regular cast of characters with a guest appearance or two. My first ever story attempt, now complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Chuck vs. The Demon**

Disclaimer: I neither own nor make any claim to the characters contained herein. Merely a fun time for me to write this as a fan.

Time frame: Sometime during season 2 before Christmas.

Rating: Mostly T, but I expect it will be a little angsty at times. I will try and warn before specific chapters should there be cause.

**Chapter 1: Sarah looks over the edge**

'_At least I feel I can be out in public now. The Wienerlicious uniform was not exactly understated._' Agent Walker calmly crosses the parking lot and lets her eyes sweep the area. In the back of her mind, possible threats are noted and quickly discarded. All seems well again today. Passing through the doors of the Buy More, it takes a moment for her eyes to pick him out, tall, dark haired and smiling bright as sunshine.

Morgan is practically dieing with laughter, Chuck was always a funny guy. Her mind wanders. They often talk about a woman's ability to light up a room as she enters. Personally, Walker had never put much stock in the concept. Guys will say anything if they think there is a chance to get with you. That is, until she experienced her own magical moment, and many more since. No matter how the day was; burned hot dogs; rude customers; Casey and his comments. It could all be washed away with a smile from Chuck.

After a couple of steps down the main aisle, Sarah sees that Chuck is getting up to greet her. '_Perfect_', she thinks to herself. He walks around the Nerd Herd desk and grins. With a smooth draw, her gun is on target and one shot rings out. It is a clean kill. Chuck barely has time to register his surprise before falling bonelessly to the floor. Sarah relaxes her stance as balloons start to fall from the ceiling. With a little blush, she accepts applause from the Buy More customers and staff.

"Excellent shot Agent Walker, I am honored to have witnessed it." Casey says as he approaches. He stands to attention at her side. They both turn and face General Beckman and Director Graham.

"Very good work today Major Casey, Agent Walker. The threat of our secrets being exposed is at an end." the General addresses them both and then goes on to expound on the wonderful successes of the entire operation.

Sarah watches it all with a slight frown. '_Does it matter what I wanted?_'

The Director makes a motion for Sarah to join him and she walks to his side. "I must say, there were people questioning your resolve to see things through. But I never doubted your training would serve you well."

"Our training you mean. I think I deserve some credit for helping her become your perfect little soldier." Sarah is shocked as her dad joins them. "I would like to believe I laid the groundwork for you." They shake hands and congratulate each other on a job well done. Both wearing the smile of a proud parent as they discuss her skills.

All but forgotten, Sarah stands there while the room tilts. The customers of the Buy More are all looking at her now. They seem so familiar. '_Oh my god, I killed him on a mission in Columbia._' Each new face brings a memory of her dealing out death. '_Is this all I am?_'

A small shiver runs through her, '_Is it time? I think this is about when it happens._' Glancing right to left she scans the milling throng. '_There! Yes, there she is! Or, there I am_.'

Dashing from the among the shoppers, Sarah makes her way to Chuck's body. She cradles his head in her lap, giving no mind to the blood that covers her hands. She strokes his hair, his cheeks, a finger idly traces his lips. Sarah begins rocking him in her lap and asking him to wake up, to just open his eyes.. Silence fills the Buy More, everyone turned to regard the scene. The new Sarah tosses her head back and howls with pain and loss. After, shining blue eyes lock onto Agent Walker. One word is all she can say, "Why?"

Chucks eyes pop open as his head flops to face her. She tries to ignore his damaged forehead as he speaks, "Yes Agent Walker, I would love to know, too. Why? Is this what my trust gets me?"

Returning her gun to it's holster, Walker replies in a monotone, "Orders. I had my orders." The same answer, the only answer, every time. Her next thought barely forms, '_Please, not tonight. Not again_.' In an instant, she is viewing the scene from a new vantage point. Staring across the room at a coldly calm Agent Walker while cradling Chuck's still form. The worst part soon follows as she is flooded with all the pain and anguish of the moment. Tremors shake her and she folds under the weight of grief. Leaning over Chuck, she gives in to it all. Body wracked by sobs that tear from her throat, she wants it to end. Her last thoughts are a mantra, '_I will stop you. You can't have him. It is my job to protect Chuck from everything, even myself._'

**4:00am present day**

Kicking at the sheets that have curled around and captured her legs, Sarah rockets awake. Breathing out of control as her heart pounds, she untangles herself. '_Calm, calm, slow down Walker, it was only a dream._' The sounds of the room start to enter her awareness and she grabs hold like a drowning woman. An effort of will brings her breathing down, matching the other occupant of the room. His slow and steady breaths becoming her lifeline. Needing more in order to be sure, she moves to rest her hand on Chuck's chest and feel the rise and fall. Reassured by the thump, thump of his heart under her fingertips, she releases the last of her tension. He doesn't stir with the light contact.

"Shh, back to sleep Sarah, it was only a dream." She imagines they are Chuck's words while taking a last look at his peaceful expression. After straightening the blanket and sheets, she soon returns to an uneasy slumber.

**7:30am present day**

Sarah awoke slowly, turning one way and then the other in a comprehensive stretch. A nearly futile attempt to remove the pain in her back that has been a constant companion. "This bed is going to be the death of me." She groans a little before opening her eyes.

Realization comes like a slap to the face. "Oh my god. I am so sorry Ellie." Gazing across the small hospital room, she takes in the scene that haunts her days. Chuck in a hospital bed, sprouting more tubes than would seem possible. The click and hiss of his respirator is counterpointed by the beep, beep of a heart monitor. A host of other machines each add their voice. Truly a symphony only the devil could love.

"It's all right Sarah, this has been hard on all of us." Ellie gets the words out with almost no quaver. Her despair visible as shining tracks of tears while she checks all the equipment.

"Any change?" Sarah asks with hope in her voice. She has been asking every morning and this morning produces the same response.

Ellie shaking her head and fighting to get out the "No. The tests have come back with the same results, negative. They still don't know what is wrong." All while not breaking down into a fresh round of tears.

Sarah can hear Ellie as she struggles to force her breathing back under control. Subconsciously matching the tempo of her brother's respirator. In 2 short strides, Sarah has her arms around Ellie and they share a hug of support.

"Don't worry Ellie. Chuck will beat this."

'_He better be all right_.'

"I know one thing about him, he can do anything."

'_Fight this Chuck, come back to us......me_.'

_"_We will be trying not to laugh at his jokes in no time."

'_If I keep saying it, I can keep believing it._'Sarah holds the hug for a moment longer, just until the tremors leave her legs. '_It's the uncomfortable bed causing that_.'

"Of course he will be fine Sarah. He promised to give me away at my wedding. He wouldn't miss that for the world. Plus, he was going on and on about all the pictures he was going to get. Pictures of you in an awful peach colored bridesmaid dress." Smiling at the memory then looking into Sarah's eyes, pleading almost. "They really aren't horrible are they?"

"No, no, they are lovely. Anyhow, I had plans to sabotage his camera" Joining in with a small laugh.

For Ellie, the moment is quickly gone as memories fade and Chuck becomes too real in front of her once again. A few more tears start to fall as she turns to leave the room, her morning visit finished.

Watching her leave, Sarah's heart aches for Ellie. This has to be killing her, the last member of her family and all she can do is watch him die a little more every day. These thoughts bring her eyes back to Chuck, traveling the contours of his face, missing the smile that was always there for her. '_Open your eyes Chuck, let me see them, see the life in them again. How long has it been, 2 weeks, 3? The days and nights all bleed together_.'

With a mournful sigh, she turns back to her foldout bed. Slides into slippers as she grabs up her towel and heads to the bathroom. Time to make myself presentable for the day. '_Just in case.' _echoes like a whisper through her mind.

Morgan pushes open the door and enters. He likes Sarah a lot, but who wouldn't. She is totally hot. Chuck scored majorly when she walked in the door of the Buy More and practically picked him up on the spot. Normally, any situation can be made better with a little Morgan. This time, a maturity that few see kept him from taking her moment. "Hey buddy. You won't believe it, I finally got it." Pulling out a flash drive and waving it around in front of Chuck.

"Right here we have the trailer for the new Star Trek movie." Morgan says with a flourish of his hand. "Can you believe it, a whole new presentation of the storied franchise." He keeps up his usual Morgan banter, seemingly unaffected by his friends unresponsiveness. A trained eye would see the intensity in his gaze, longing for anything that would let him know Chuck is listening.

After filling his friend in on the the latest and greatest escapade in Call of Duty history, Morgan takes his leave. "Okay, I have to go and save the Buy More from boredom. You know they can't get along without you....uh...me." The slip gives Morgan pause. "I can't wait till you are back there, Jeff and Lester have been seriously taking advantage of the two to one odds."

Morgan sets the flash drive on a shelf and says, "I will leave it right here so we can get our first look as soon as you are ready." After a last glance, he is gone.

Sarah notes the arrival and departure of Morgan mechanically. After all, she is here to ensure the safety of the Intersect. '_That's right Walker, duty and all that. And you have done so well up till now. Did I miss something in the last mission? Something that would have prevented all this?_' Standing under a too hot spray of water, time rolls backwards.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Chuck's big weekend**

**Two months ago**

"Africa?! You are kidding right?" Chuck blurted out. Looking to the screen then back to Casey and Sarah a couple times. "You know, that is way over in....Africa? Like really far, as in not nearby, or even all that close."

He, Sarah and Casey were assembled under the Orange Orange for a briefing. General Beckman had that annoyed look once again but continued as if nothing were said. "Once in Chad, you will take command of alpha strike team. We have the location of Ribauld's cell and satellite coverage is already in place. Final tactical briefings will occur on the ground. I don't need to remind you how serious this threat is. Rumors of another attack on American soil have been circulating for months."

"Yes General, we all understand the gravity of the situation," Sarah interjected, "But is there really a need to bring the Intersect into such a volatile location?"

"Exactly!", Chuck says as he points at Sarah in agreement. "Volatile, dangerous, really...really big bugs." voice petering out as Chuck receives a withering look from Beckman.

"Don't worry, terrorist cells only pick garden spots to vacation in. We might even be able to find you some fruity drinks with the little umbrellas in them." Casey smirks before turning back to the screen and immediately straightening up. "You were saying General?"

"You will be taking the Intersect, Agent Walker. And once the compound is pacified, he will look over everything. We are hoping to catch the whole cell, failing that, a flash from the Intersect may lead us to the rest of them. Pack up lady and gentlemen, you are wheels up in 4 hours." With that final announcement, the screen goes blank.

"I don't know if I can get vacation time approved and pack in that short of a time. Casey, can the general write me a nice note for Big Mike. Oh wait, you will need one too. I am not sure I like how that will look."

"Don't get any ideas, I only date people with a spine." Casey growls back.

Sarah suppresses a smile, Chuck was in his babbling mode. Right now he may seem reluctant, but she knew when the time comes he will do the job and more. Thinking to herself as she watches Casey and Chuck trade a few more barbed comments, it was hard not to admire him for that. The Intersect forced on him, his life turned upside down, danger he had never planned on or been trained for. All had happened in a short time and where many would have crumbled, he seemed to thrive.

Her musings are broken, "Sarah? Earth to Sarah?" a smiling Chuck stands before her. "So, as I was saying, should I bring anything in particular? Suntan lotion, some Off maybe. Do you think my normal wardrobe will suffice or should I not bring the t-shirts?"

"Don't bring too much, we won't be able to carry as many guns.", Casey interjects as he heads to the weapons cage. "You can never have too many. That's what momma Casey always used to say."

Sarah rolls her eyes and Chuck gets his half smile of amusement as he silently mouths "Momma Casey?"

Speaking up she says, "You should only need some clothes for a day or two. I expect this to be a quick in and out operation. Anything else you may need will be waiting for us when we get there." Pausing , she waits for it.

"Like if we need more guns.", Casey calls over his shoulder.

The two share a chuckle at Casey's expense, eyes meeting. As merriment fades, their gaze continues beyond the moment. Sarah turns away. Always, she has to be the one to put duty first, absorb the hurt look that often follows. He understands the situation, knows this is how it has to be. At least she keeps telling herself that as a way to make it more bearable.

"Okay, I guess I better get back to work and then home. Is there any kind of cover story I can give to Ellie, put us on the same page?" Chuck stands straight and works to keep his voice all business. Sarah hates to see him this way.

She responds, "I think this is the perfect time for us to use getting out of town to have some alone time together. We have been dating for long enough that it should be no surprise. Any idea where you would like to go?" She readies herself for a long answer. It would be just like Chuck to have a detailed plan already in his head. Sarah is afraid it will sound wonderful, romantic and everything she could ask for.

"Now that you mention it, I do have a little something I have been kicking around for just the right situation." He responds with a growing smile. "It fits perfectly into a long weekend time frame."

Sarah listens as he warms to the subject. When Chuck gets like this, you would swear he sees everything as it is described.

"A skiing weekend. We would have a small condo waiting for us at Mammoth Mountain. Naturally, I have everything planned well ahead of time. Uh, except for the knowing how to ski part."

He ignores the mocking laugh from Casey and continues with enthusiasm.

"Upon entering, we would walk a path of rose petals to the living room. Waiting for us would be a cozy fire and bottle of champagne. The night would drift along, stars shining down for our pleasure, a full moon failing to compete with your radiance. Two people with all the time in the world." Chuck rambles on, lost in the moment.

"But morning would be the best of all. I would set the alarm to a few minutes before sunrise. Wrapped in blankets, I would cajole you out onto the balcony. You would protest at the cold. I would beg for just a few moments more so we can see the sun break over the mountains." he is a thousand miles away, gazing at the scene he has built.

Sarah considers that maybe she has been around him too long, a vivid image begins playing before her eyes. Sharing in the picture his words are painting.

A bit breathless, he talks on,"A golden light is capping the mountain tops, sun ready to spill forth and light our day. Without your notice, I take a couple steps back before whispering your name. Turning to face me, I behold my miracle. Liquid eyes, dazzling smile and newly risen sun adds a halo for my angel on earth."

The big finish nearly brings her knees to wobbling. '_Breathe, Sarah, keep on breathing. It isn't that amazing. Yeah right, and Casey is secretly addicted to Sweet Valley High novels_.'

"Stop it Bartowski, I am about to tear up." Casey says as he drops enough guns for a small war on the table. With careful organization, he attempts to get them all in one bag and fails. "I don't think Ellie will need all the gory details. Just tell her you and your girlfriend want to have some time alone without worrying about making too much noise."

"Oh come on Casey. You might find a woman asking what caliber gun you prefer a big turn on. For the rest of us, romance is not dead." Chuck's tone is mocking but there is a little extra color in his cheeks. "I better get going so I can pack. Are we carpooling? I can put together a 'plane to Africa' music mix on my ipod. Should be enough time to assemble some patented Bartowski travel tunes."

The interplay between Casey and Chuck has given Sarah enough time to recover her speech. The ski trip was more than she had planned for. He never dissapoints. "Chuck, be at my place in about 3 hours. We can go over the rules.", speaking over his protest, "Yes, rules. Your safety is my job. This is not a pleasure trip and I can't be worrying about you every second. What Casey and I say will be the law." She felt badly about the cold words after his monologue. The dimming of his eyes as they turned down always made her stomach sink.

"I know, 'Chuck stay in the plane.' See you in three Sarah." With that, he turned about and left them to their preparations.

"I thought he would never leave. So, what do you think, Mac 10, Uzi, M-16 with grenade launcher?"

With a bit of frustration at having to shoot down Chuck yet again, Sarah turns and says sarcastically, "Why choose, just take them all."

Casey smiles, "I like the way you think Agent Walker."

At that, Sarah makes her own exit. Casey's happy whistling following her out the door.

Four hours later, they have assembled at the airfield. Casey immediately moves to stow his gear, all the bags making clanking noises. Chuck tosses down his overnight bag and stares at the plane.

"No way! a Gulfstream? I pictured us in the back of some cargo plane getting bounced around for 12 hours."

Casey retorts, "Nothing is too good for the Intersect. First class all the way."

"First class? That would require the plane to be fitted out just like Tony Stark's private jet. You know, from the movie." Chuck's laugh is shut down by an 'I know exactly what you mean by that, mister.' look from Sarah.

"I am guessing that is some kind of geek code." Casey adds dismissively before signaling an end to the conversation by returning to the loading.

Sarah gestures to some crates and a couple field workers, "Over here Chuck, I need you for a moment."

"I was just kidding Sarah, you couldn't really get a retractable stripper pole on a plane this small anyhow...ow...ow..ow!" Chuck yelps. As he walked to join her, the two workers pulled out big gun looking devices and pressed one to each arm. A loud hiss was followed by sharp pains and then Chuck was doing a version of the 'that hurts a lot dance.' "What was that for?"

Failing to hide her grin at his gyrations, "Those were your innoculations for traveling to Africa. I figured it would be better if you didn't know it was coming. Now stop hopping around, it wasn't that bad."

"Not that bad, huh." Chuck steps a little closer to Sarah. "I suppose there is something to the element of surprise. Like you are totally not expecting this right now." His hands shoot out and he starts to tickle her.

"Noooo...", she shrieks and starts to dance out of his grasp, pushing at his hands.

A strong voice cuts through the laughter, "Ladies, can we get going now. It's not polite to keep the bad guys waiting." Casey turns on his heel and climbs into the plane.

"That guy is a just a big ole teddy bear." Chuck winks at Sarah and then heads off to the plane, all full of boyish exuberance. "Hey Casey my man, your displays of emotion are getting to be too much."

Watching till he disappears, a genuine smile comes to her lips. '_When was the last time I got tickled?' _Casting back through her memories, Sarah enters the plane and then turns to shut the door.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Not your father's Call of Duty**

**The before**

Sarah had to admit this was different. Who would have guessed a plane ride to a hot zone could be fun. True to his word, Bartowski travel tunes ended up on the plane's speakers. Along with his ipod and a change of clothes, his pack contained patch cables, memory cards, and PSP. She was not sure what he planned on doing with the onboard computers. Pulling him out from under one of the panels, he flashed a devilish grin that did not reassure. "Chuck, that is very expensive and very classified equipment. No playing.", using her most serious tone.

Of course, Casey was a kid at Christmas. He would start thinking about the upcoming gunfight, crack a smile and Chuck would notice. Pouncing like a cat on catnip, Chuck would send good-natured zingers at him. Some half=hearted growling would ensue, but nothing was able to dampen his spirits. Until the unfortunate references to Casey, dancing, and the failure of troglodytes to evolve as a people. A half hour later, Sarah talked Casey into letting Chuck out of the lavatory. He peeked a couple times first before returning to the main cabin.

_"_Actually, how about you try and get some sleep Bartowski. There are 8 hours to go and once we land there won't be any time for naps or milk and cookies.", Casey barked. The initial rush was wearing off and he was back to his usual self. Taking his own advice, he tilted the seat back and closed his eyes. Military and agent training have one universal rule, get your sleep when you can. There is no telling how long till your next opportunity. True to his training, Major John Casey was asleep in about 45 seconds.

Out of consideration, Chuck pulled the plug on the music and repacked his backpack. Now seemed like a good time, Sarah took his hand and led him to the rear of the plane. As she took a seat and motioned him to join her, he gave a questioning look. Speaking in low tones, Sarah started her rehearsed little talk, "Chuck, I just needed to go over things one more time."

"I think I have a pretty good idea of what is expected Sarah. Alpha Strike team, Casey and you go Rambo on the terrorist encampment. After, the intersect has to go through and see what can be flashed on. Seems pretty straightforward to me.", interrupted Chuck.

"It is pretty simple as long as you do just that. Listen Chuck, we have done a lot of missions together and you have been very good at thinking on your feet. This time I really need you to keep that in check. Out here, it isn't the Buy More. It isn't even LA. There will be no home field advantage and that can seriously mess you up. Trust me on that one.", looking deep into his eyes as she tries to make him understand. "My first job is always your safety and if it means I have to play the bad guy, so be it. Just let me do what is best for you. Okay?"

Reaching over to give her hand a squeeze, "Sarah, I always try to do what you say." Stopping at her raised eyebrow, he amends, "I always start out trying to do what you say. But this time, I promise to stay in the car, armored vehicle, whatever. So, keep your mind off of me and on the bad guys. I need you to come back safe and keep protecting me."

A careful observer would see the conversation was not over, their eyes stay locked a few moments more. Subtle shifts of body language speak to words that go unsaid. It comes to an end and they both turn forward in their seats to settle in. Like Casey, Sarah is a long time professional and sleep comes quickly. Chuck, on the other hand, finds it much more difficult.

His mind replays the talk they just had and the things he maybe should have said. Like how scared he actually was being this far removed from his comfort zone. But, even worse, scared at what they were going to ask of him. Chuck had figured that after boarding the plane he could keep busy and hold those thoughts at bay. His eyes travel between the sleeping agents. Even running from Casey would be better than this. Mind racing as he envisions one scenario after another, Chuck finally exhausts himself and drifts asleep.

The CIA gulfstream starts it's descent and the change in angle brings Sarah awake. During the night, they ended up moving together. With a little smile she curls close, enjoying the feeling. "Mmmm." she purrs softly. '_Umm...wait a minute.' _Fully awake, the knowledge of where they are comes screaming back to her. '_Casey_? _Please let him still be asleep.'_

Carefully, she draws back from Chuck, not wanting to wake him like this. '_Good thing I am up before he is. Trying to keep things professional would be so much harder the other way.' _Remembering mornings of her and Chuck in a tangle of arms and legs, so warm and safe under the blankets. Over the weeks and then months, it has taken longer to get around to separating before he wakes. '_Get a grip Walker, bad enough if Casey has seen you cuddled close. Looking like a smitten schoolgirl will be a dead giveaway.'_

Sarah nonchalantly opens her eyes and scans the cabin. '_Damn!'_ , she thinks, '_He's not in his seat.' _Standing, she slips past Chuck and into the aisle. Taking a second, her hands run through her hair and put it back in a pony tail before smoothing down her clothes. '_Time to get this over with.' , _as_ s_he heads forward.

Casey is meditating, which means Sarah finds him cleaning and reassembling one of his weapons. Speaking softly, she says, "I know what that looked like Casey, but you have nothing to worry about. You know how long we have been maintaining our cover, all the nights we have had to share a bed in order to keep selling it. Some familiarity was bound to develop. And, I know you have been monitoring us, hearing nothing which would lead to me being compromised in any way with Chuck."

Without looking up from his work, Casey says, "Can you protect the Intersect?"

"Yes, of course!", Sarah responds instantly.

"Good, that is all I need to know. Keep all the touchy-feely stuff to yourself, Walker." He works the slide and smiles. Smooth and easy, just the way I like it. Glancing up, "You better go wake up boy wonder, we are almost ready to land."

With a nod, Sarah turns to go get Chuck. Casey watches her, '_Agent Walker, I hope you know what you're doing.'_

**The After**

'_Oh god, how could things have gone so wrong!' _Sarah holds in her tears as she glances to the rear of the plane. '_I should have done more to stop this. But I had my orders and it was so very important.'_

_"_Agent Walker, do you have something more to add?" General Beckman stares at her from the monitor. The CIA jet is back in the air and pointed to home. After making sure Chuck was taken care of, they quickly were on with DC to brief the General.

"No, General, I...I mean yes." She had been giving the initial intel, "After landing, our team rendezvoused with the forces on the ground. We placed the Intersect in the command vehicle and joined first squad to take part in the assault." Here Casey took over. His military training made him better at explaining the decisions that led up to the encounter at Ribauld's camp.

Everything had gone like clockwork. She was able to put Chuck out of her mind. It would take a lot to get at him in the Striker. Casey and Sarah suited up and took their places in one of the 6-man units. All told, there were 4 snipers on overwatch and 4 squads. The squads moved undetected into position and encircled the small base of operations. There had been little outdoor activity, but thermal scans from satellite showed approximately 25 to 30 hostiles were spread among the three buildings.

At the time, she had felt exhilarated with the impending attack. Maybe she missed this part of the job a little, it didn't come up much with her current assignment. Her mind played the images in sequence with Casey's recounting. Snipers took out the initial threats, leaving no one to warn the rest of the camp. Squads alpha, bravo, charlie and delta were given go codes and the assault began. Efficient and professional to a high degree, it was over quickly. Charges placed, doors breached, rooms cleared. Once a second sweep was finished and all was clear, the soldiers set to laying out the bodies and searching for the suspected terror weapons.

Sarah was tasked to bring in the asset. They popped the hatch on the Striker and she nearly choked on her next breath. Chuck was staring at her. Something in his eyes she never thought was possible made her shiver. Horror, revulsion, fear, all directed at her. He had seen it , every gory detail. Chuck had seen the unrestrained killer that lurked inside both his protectors.

He blanched as she reached to lay a comforting hand, squirming to press himself into the wall of the vehicle. Sarah thought her heart might break, but there was a job to do. Putting steel in her voice, she did what was required. "Chuck, I need you to come with me now. It is your turn in the mission." Seeing no movement or response, "That's an order mister. Don't make me drag you out of there."

Chuck's eyes flash and then harden. With shooing motions, he urges her back from the doorway. He steps out, careful not to come too close to her. On unsteady legs, he marches to the camp and starts to walk down the line of dead bodies. All Sarah can do is watch and agonize. The first flash hits and he stumbles. As she rushes to catch him, he flings out an arm and pushes her away with a whimper. A punch to the gut would have hurt less.

It takes a little longer after each flash before he can move on. Sarah is thankful that he only recognizes a small number of the terrorists. Shadowing him, they reach the end of the line. There he walks a couple steps and then drops to hands and knees, dry heaves tyeing his stomach in knots. She wants to go to him but is afraid to be rebuffed again. After a while, he pushes back to his feet and grunts, "Buildings, bombs."

For the next hour, Casey and Sarah keep an eye on Chuck. He flashes on a few more things but does not speak, just keeps moving. Until they enter the weapons room, that is. Turning to scan the contents, he spies a stack of crates and another flash goes off. He groans a bit and shakes his head. For the first time, he turns and regards his two companions. Speaking in clipped tones, "No Ribauld, Those cases contain suspected chemical weapons, some nerve agent, reisen gas maybe. CIA was tracking a shipment 6 months ago. There should be 4, one is missing. It looks like there were 4 cities being considered: New York, Los Angeles, Orlando and Dallas. Can we go now?"

Turning abruptly, he headed back to the Striker and didn't speak again.

Breaking from her reverie, Sarah realized the general had been talking to them both. "...and that means we have more work to do. Once you are back in Los Angeles, I will have Homeland security start feeding photos to the command center. You will use the asset to search for Ribauld. Hopefully, there will be a camera that catches him entering one of the four target cities."

"General," Sarah broke in, "This mission was very hard on Chuck. It was way beyond anything he was ready for. Do we have to drop this on him right away? What about facial recognition? The NSA has the best program in the world and would be able to scan the photos in seconds compared to Chuck paging through them."

"That would work just fine Agent Walker. Except for the fact our only photograph of Ribauld was placed in the Intersect. Chuck is the only one that will be able to identify him. Those are your orders, have a safe flight back, Beckman out." and the screen goes dark.

Looking back to Chuck, Sarah asks, "What did we do to him Casey? Do you think he will ever be the same?" She fights for control as she watches him. Chuck is sitting, immobile with eyes wide. She can guess at the images tormenting him, images of her and death and blood.

In a rare, gentle tone, "Don't worry Sarah. Chuck will make it. If you ever tell him I said this, I will have to hurt you. When this assignment started, I thought it was punishment for killing Larkin, losing the intersect, you know. It seemed to me a bigger idiot couldn't exist when I first met Chuck. In the year since, I have seen him blow all my preconceptions out of the water. Trust me, he is stronger and more capable than he appears."

Sarah regards Casey in surprise, not sure she has ever heard him string that many words together at one time. And, she can't help but agree with him. Taking hope from his words, she gives him a smile, "Thanks Casey."

"Oh geez, don't go getting all sentimental on me Walker. I might blush.", Casey grumbles. "It's a long flight, I am going to get some sleep." Moving past, he does just that.

Walking quietly, she takes a spot near Chuck but not too close. Not even sure if he notices her presence, she leans back in the seat and watches over him. Emotions churning, she is certain sleep will never come. But, thankfully, it does.

The rest was welcome and needed. She hoped the worst was over. Of course, she was wrong. Sarah had to watch him gather his pack and leave the plane. His face slack and eyes dim, she could barely contain herself. Turning down a ride from either of them, he hailed a cab. After tailing him all the way home, Sarah watched through the window. She saw Ellie's happy greeting die on her face. Chuck, zombie-like, just passed through with a couple words before collapsing on his bed.

Duty done, her charge safe, Sarah could now go home. She almost made it to her bed before breaking down, slipping to the floor and giving up the fight.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: The Wrath of Ellie**

They had been back in LA for two days. True to her word, General Beckman had surveillance photos showing up in the command center computers. Casey and Sarah both were making excuses for why they hadn't been looked at yet, but her patience was wearing thin.

According to Casey, Chuck had not been out of the apartment since his return. The Morgan door was locked and blinds closed tight when Sarah tried to check on him. Wanting to know more, she asked to hear the tapes from his room. Just to see how he was doing. Casey refused, making her imagination run to wild extremes. '_I think he was trying to protect me from something.'_

"Miss.....Miss....I said I want the oreo crumbles on that!"

"What, oh, sorry. Sorry sir." Shaking her head to clear out the cobwebs. She returned the scoop of gummi bears to the bin and picked up the correct one. Slapping a smile on her face. "Here you go sir."

That same smile falters when she catches sight of Ellie. "Have a nice day and come back soon." Then, the customer is forgotten. '_Get your head on straight Walker, you knew this was coming. But oh god, she looks so mad. Ellie, I never meant to hurt him. I just went along and let him do something he wasn't ready for. I had to follow orders.'_

Hurricane Ellie storms into the Orange Orange and just meeting her eyes rocks Sarah back. In her imagination, even the bell on the door sounds angry for what happened to Chuck. Standing her ground, she waits for it. And in the back of her mind, feels she deserves it.

Without preamble, Ellie lets loose, "What did you do to Chuck! I watch him leave for a weekend trip with his girlfriend, but he never comes back. Just this shell of what used to be my brother. He barely leaves his room. It has been a fight to make him eat anything. At night, I am certain I can hear him crying out with nightmares. I thought it was bad when Jill dumped him." Coming around the counter to get right in Sarah's face. "He adored you, trusted you. I think he might even love you. I want to know what happened! Were you just toying with him or something?"

Her tirade winds down and the anger is slowly replaced with pain. Ellie fights to keep back the tears that she promised would go unshed in front of this woman. She needs to be strong for both of them, like she has been all his life. "I'm waiting."

Stunned, Sarah just stares back. Needing some time to think, she takes a few long breaths and tries to ignore the blistering heat in Ellie's gaze. "It's all my fault Ellie and I don't know how to fix it." she blurts out. The words start rolling as the story takes shape. "The weekend with Chuck was amazing. As is everything about him. We were having so much fun. He had all these little surprises planned. Until the last night, I woke up crying and couldn't stop. Chuck was trying to comfort me and find out why."

Softening a little, Ellie waited to hear more. With more confidence, Sarah continued, "When I could talk, I told Chuck about my last relationship. Bruce had been mentioned before, but I never went into detail. That breakup was so hard on me, I moved all the way across the country in reaction. The nightmare was awful. I was watching Chuck and I. We were out on our dates, meeting for lunch, making love. But.....but..." her voice breaking. "Bruce's face kept appearing instead of Chuck's."

'_I hate myself right now. But, I need a few tears for effect.' _Sarah thought as she watched Ellie for signs her story was working. And it was. She could see Ellie giving in, starting to sympathize a little. A knot of guilt was heavy in her stomach as she talked on, "That was when I told him I was scared. Things were so good between us, maybe too good. I wanted to slow down, take a step back. I was afraid of another breakup. Seldom have good things happened to me Ellie. I come to find out Bruce was a lying snake. He was sleeping with my best friend. It nearly shattered me."

"Chuck would never do that Sarah. He would rather die than hurt you or anyone else." Reaching out to put her hand on Sarah's shoulder. "But I still don't understand how it went so bad?"

'_If only you knew Ellie, he has almost died to save you and many other people. I can't believe I am going to do this, turn Chuck into the bad guy. He doesn't deserve it. I don't deserve him.' _Taking a deep breath, Sarah answered, "I don't know either. For whatever reason, he couldn't see what I was trying to say. Chuck thought I wanted to break up with him. Kept asking how it could be over. Calling himself a fool for thinking someone like me could really be into him. You know how he is, takes responsibility for everything, blames himself. And the lack of confidence from Stanford and Jill, I think it still haunts him.

Ellie nodded, she was all too familiar with the depths he had reached after Jill. The first 6 months back from Stanford were like living with a ghost. "That was probably hard for him to hear, and I bet Jill's words were ringing in his ears as you tried to explain. It must have sounded pretty familiar in his mind, covering over the actual words." Looking to Sarah for confirmation, "You still want to be with my brother right?"

"Oh god yes, yes I do. But he had simply stopped listening. Just drove us back and dropped me off. I have been calling and calling his cell, no answer. And, I was sort of afraid to come over and face you." Turning her eyes down in shame. "Can you help me Ellie? Get him to talk to me again?"

'_Now, just bring your eyes back up, look a little sad, a little hopeful. Forgive me Chuck.' _She searched Ellie's face and saw success.

"Of course I will help you. I can't bear to see him like that, especially over a big mix up." Reaching out, Ellie takes her in a hug. "We can make this right and get our Chuck back, just you wait and see."

"I hope so Ellie. I need him too, can barely hold things together now without him." Sarah puts on a brave face as they say good bye. '_Congratulations Agent Walker, the cover is secure for another day.' _The expression drops when the door closes. Ignoring the open mouthed customer that was next in line, she heads to the restroom. Locking the door behind her, she stares into the mirror.

'_What kind of person would twist and manipulate someone so good and honest as Ellie? Have I always been this way? Is there any hope for me?' _Thoughts racing, she bends over the sink and vomits. Sarah knows this is a first. The first time doing her job well has made her sick.

**Early morning**

Knock....knock...knock...

Shifting in her bed, something draws attention. A small sound, but enough to reach through her dreaming.

Knock....knock. Knock...knock.

Sarah wakes up, now certain there is someone at her door. Looking to the clock, '_2:18? Who could that be at this hour?' _She rolls out of bed, gun in her hand. Padding softly to her door, the knocking continues. Her training positions her at the side of the door to avoid a waiting assassin's bullet.

A new sound reaches her. "Sarah, are you home.....Sarah....Sarah....help me please." Followed by more knocking.

"Chuck!" she cries out. Gun falling to the floor forgotten, she fumbles at the locks in her haste to open the door. His voice so weak and unsteady, she has flashes of him bleeding or shot. Crushing those thoughts, the door flies open and she gasps. He must have been leaning on the door for support. As it is flung open, he stumbles forward. Sarah reacts instantly to catch him. Turning, she leads him to the bed where he drops heavily and lays unmoving.

Shutting the door and retrieving her gun give Sarah time to settle her nerves. '_Has it really only __been a couple days?', _she thinks as the sight of his face floats before her. Cheeks hollow, his hair wild, and the eyes still too wide and seeing too much. Gun back in it's spot on the nightstand, Sarah climbs into bed and works him under the covers. Trying not to react whenever he flinches at the touch of her hand. She props a pillow up behind her back and sits at the head of the bed. He doesn't fight her as she places his head in her lap.

"Talk to me Chuck. Let me help.", speaking quietly as her fingers comb through his hair.

The words come slow, halting. He tells her of no sleep, nightmares that build on nightmares. Talking faster, as if being chased, he describes a ghoulish parade of the faces. Sarah can see the flicker of his eyes going back and forth. A stripe of light through the curtains falls across his face as he goes on and on. She forces herself to watch the myriad of emotions that play out before her. Considering it small punishment for the part she played, as each expression tears at her heart.

Beyond exhausted, Chuck finally runs out of words. He lays quietly under her soft caresses. She thinks he might have drifted off, but he shifts to meet her eyes. Almost turning away from him, Sarah is afraid of what she might see. However, she tells herself she has to and accept whatever pain it will bring. Falling into his eyes, she is overcome by how lost he is, overwhelmed at the world he knew of but always kept at arms length. It nearly breaks her again.

"How do you do it? How does all that not affect you anymore?" , asking with a child's voice. The question is so direct and his need so great that she is afraid to answer and say the wrong thing.

Swallowing past the lump in her throat, "I don't know Chuck. When I was younger, you probably wouldn't have been able to convince me it was possible either. But, the training is so complete, delves so deep into remaking who you are. People don't come out the other side without being changed. Even so, the mission was not something a rookie would have been exposed to right away."

"They break you in slow, only killing one or two people a mission." He says with a smile more like a grimace at his bitter joke. Unaware his words were a dagger to her heart. "Maybe Bryce was right when he got me kicked out of Stanford. I wouldn't have survived if the CIA recruited me."

"No!" Sarah regretted the outburst as Chuck spasmed. More calmly, "No, you can't start thinking like that. Come on Chuck, you can't fool me. Defusing a bomb on the day you found out what the Intersect even was. Being chased and shot at, saving the lives of many, many people at the same time. I have been so proud to be a part of the team with you and Casey. Agents do this job to put themselves out there, stand between the evil in the world and good, honest people like your sister. They see it as a duty and a sacrifice they are willing to make."

Smiling down at him while her finger twirls one of his curls, "But you, Chuck, you do it because it is right. No high ideals or big speeches about honor and country. I know if you could, you would save everyone, even the people shooting at you. And that makes you better than all of us in my book." And then she notices that somewhere during her speech, he fell asleep. "Don't worry Chuck, I am here now. You are safe."

Settling back, she prepares for a long night. Sarah sits in the dark as her mind wanders over the last few days and all the implications. In the end, she pushes it all aside and tries to only concentrate on the immediate problem. Getting Chuck back on mission before someone higher up feels a change needs to be made. That, she won't allow. It will kill him as surely as a bullet.

Through the night, Chuck is frequently jolted awake by his nightmare. Always to find Sarah cradling his head, speaking soothing words and easing him back to sleep. She asks him to tell stories. How did you and Morgan become friends, what was it like growing up and other such diverting questions. He would talk and his face would calm. Images of good memories temporarily replacing the bad. After a while he would drift again, sleep returning. Then Sarah would watch and be ready for the next episode.

Morning comes and Sarah makes a few calls. She lets Ellie know where her brother is and that everything is going to be fine. Then a call to Casey, keeping him informed of Chuck's location and condition. She asks if he can bring some food and other supplies over, enough for a few days. She really doesn't want to leave Chuck alone in the room. Surprisingly, he agrees without any grumbling. He also informs her that they have a little more time on the mission. Current intelligence believes Ribauld hasn't entered the US, yet.

And so, that becomes the pattern of her days and nights. Catching cat naps while Chuck sleeps, sensing the increase in his movements to be awake before he is. After a couple days, he starts asking her questions. He avoids the personal stuff, respecting her need to keep the past hidden. Mainly, he wants to know day to day things. Nice and mundane details that have no connection to the spy world and she is happy to fill him in. Sarah talks about the progress of Ellie's wedding plans. Stories from Casey about the Buy More and all the troubles you would expect with Chuck's long absence. Flashes of his old smile are returning, and his eyes are coming back to life. The troubling nightmares becoming less frequent.

As time passes, fewer nightmares means better sleep. Chuck is looking human again. They spend more time awake and talking. The bed a haven from the rest of the world, a place where anything is possible. Sarah can't believe how easily she fell into their routine. Casting back, there are no memories of her and Bryce ever simply talking. No goal, no mission, no hiding or probing, just talking like two real people.

She knows he has turned the corner on the morning of the fifth day. Sarah wakes up to find their positions reversed. Laying with her head on his shoulder, arm across his chest as she holds him close. Opening her eyes brings the welcome sight of his smile. "How long have you been awake?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe half an hour. I had better things to look at than watch a clock." He gives her a lopsided grin and pushes a lock of her hair back. "Now, how about a shower? Erm, I mean how about I take a shower?"

She leans back and makes a big show of wrinkling her nose, "Thank god, I thought I was going to have to drag you in there and turn the water on myself." Sarah barely restrains a giggle.

"Is that so? Well, you aren't all flowers and sunshine either missy!" He grabs the pillow from behind his head and tosses it at her. Hopping out of the bed, he runs for the safety of the bathroom. Leaning back around the doorframe. "Last chance offer, I can wash your back for you." Wiggling his eyebrows and grinning before the pillow hits him in the face.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Who you gonna Call?**

Before leaving her room, Sarah sat Chuck down to fill him in on the cover story. He could see it made her uncomfortable and maybe a little worried at his possible reaction. Part way through the telling, his hand found hers in a gesture of support and understanding. Chuck couldn't really blame her, and his past behavior made it believable enough. In her eyes, he could see she wanted forgiveness, but he would have none of that. Instead, he joked they were pretty much even. After all, she had been living with a very troublesome spastic colon for the last year or so. She knew those words meant he saw nothing to forgive. They said their goodbyes and Chuck promised to see her at lunch.

Chuck was ready to get back to work. Funny as it sounds, he felt that the routine and familiar setting would be good medicine. The thoughts and dreams were not gone, but at least could be handled. Sarah had a lot to do with that. And, he knew she was never far away. Looking at his watch, '_I 'm going to be late. Five days off for personal reasons and late on the first day back. Must be some kind of record I would think. But, it would have taken a star running back to get past Ellie in full on hug mode. Might be prudent to keep a uniform at Sarah's. The clothes that Casey brought over got me a drawer at her place. I should be able to talk her into a hanger as well._'

The moment of truth, he passed through the doors. Chuck stood still and drank in the sights and sounds of his home turf. If only he could do something about the smells, it would have been perfect. The diaper station, always a crowd pleaser, must have been recently utilized. He found his way to the Nerd Herd desk and clocked in. Sighing with unexpected pleasure, he sank into the faux leather seat. A minute or two went by and he started to look around. No fanfare for the returning hero? He had expected Morgan and the rest of the gang would be waiting at the door. Their absence was actually more worrisome. That usually meant a plan was in the offing.

With the occasional furtive glance, he brought up the call list. Surprisingly, it did not appear he would have to do too much clean up of the job records. Everyone had been getting calls done in a timely manner and turning in the paperwork. He started to wonder if his fellow Herders were now pod people. With results like these, he could be happy with that. For another half hour, Chuck looked at scheduling, the restock orders and list of pending repairs in the cage. It felt really good to immerse himself in the ordinary. All that was about to change.

His first warning came when he glanced at the Wall. One by one, the tv's were changing to display the Ghostbusters logo. A sense of dread started to rise up Chuck's spine. He looked around a little frantically now. '_No, no, no, he promised! After the promotion party debacle, Morgan assured me the song was history.'_

"Morgan, not funny. Really buddy, not funny at all." Chuck called out and got a few stares from customers. All of the screens were matching, soon to be followed by the leading notes of the title song. Morgan, Anna, Jeff, Lester and others of the Buy More crew appeared around a nearby display. Morgan carrying one of the portable karaoke machines with mike in hand. Chuck ran through his options. Under the desk, too tall. Run for the back, they would corner him. Looks like I have to make a break for the front door.

But it was too late. The singing had commenced.

"When your power supply fails,"

"And smokes real good."

"Who you gonna call?"

Everyone joining in for the chorus, "Bartowski!!!"

'_Run Chuck, Run!', _as he vaults the desk in a sprint to the front doors. Freedom beckons from so far away.

"He'll fix it up quick,"

"running like it should."

"Who can you call?"

"Bartowski!!!"

His mad dash draws many curious stares. The doors are opening for a customer, timing will be perfect. He sees it is Sarah. Her eyes get wide and a little concerned at him barreling towards the door.

"He's the best there is,"

"People haven't you heard."

"Who you wanna call?"

He hooks his arm through Sarah's and spins her back out the door. It closes a second too late, letting everyone nearby hear a boisterous, "Bartowski!!!"

Not sure what to make of it, Sarah looks up at Chuck's red face, "And what was that?"

"That was years of embarrassment leading to possible therapy. Or, the gang welcoming me back to work." He leans over, hands on knees to catch his breath. "You know, I was thinking, does the CIA provide a free gym membership somewhere. I should get into shape."

"We might be able to work something out. Although, it is so much easier to keep you under control if you can't run very far." Her serious look holds for a few seconds.

"Miss Walker, you wound me. I would think there could be benefits to increasing my stamina.", favoring her with the patented Chuck eyebrow wiggle. "For example, I could actually stay awake the whole stakeout. Casey might not see that as a good thing, though.", pausing for a chuckle. "So, what brings you to the Buy More this lovely day?"

"Well, I was hoping that my boyfriend would use his connections to get me a good deal on some new headphones.", giving him a little pout and batting her eyes. "My last pair caught on one of my throwing knives and were cut through."

"Ahh yes, a common problem for asian-influenced, frozen yogurt shop workers. But I see through your ploy and am shocked. You are only with me for my big......discount." Hand up to his forehead in melodramatic fashion.

Playing along, Sarah leans close and gives him wide eyes, "But sweetie, I can't help I am a girl that knows what she wants and how to get it."

Neither can keep a straight face any longer and they start laughing. Not wanting to return to the Buy More just yet, he walks Sarah back to the Orange Orange. "For someone who once called herself not funny, you're getting pretty good."

"You only have yourself to blame for that Mr. Bartowski. Your evil influence is hard to resist." she says while going behind the counter.

"It was only a matter of time before I turned you to the dark side. Oh, change of subject. I don't suppose there is any urgent national emergency requiring the Intersect. Not ready to return to the Buy More until I have plotted my revenge."

"Actually, I was going to bring this up at lunch. There is something that the General wants you to start on right away. It involves loose ends from the mission." Noticing his involuntary tremor at the mention of it. "We are receiving photos from the various points of entry to LA and the other target cities. She is hoping you will flash on Ribauld and we can nab him before the bomb is placed. We don't believe he is actually in the country yet. The sooner you start looking, the happier she will be."

Thinking for a moment, Chuck says, "In that case, I'll go back to the Buy More now. Assure the general that I will start in hard on that tonight. Tell you what, I will pick up your new headphones and we can order chinese. Meet you here after work?"

"Sounds like a plan. I knew there was more to you than just your discount. Now get out of here and back to work you coward.", giving him a friendly push toward the door.

Returning to the Buy More, he is greeted by his coworkers. Morgan wasted no time in getting action shots up on some of the screens in the store. Apparently, there had been digital camera coverage of his escape. "Hey dude, did you ever think of trying out for track? That was quite the hurdle.", Morgan said as he walked up and gave the bell a ding.

Chuck grabs the bell and moves it under the desk. With an overly sweet smile, "Morgan, just remember, when you least expect it. Expect it."

"Do your worst Bartowski. I dare you. I double dog dare you.." Grinning as he leans against the counter. "Chuck, glad to have you back, man. This place was so boring it was almost like a real job. And you know how allergic I am to actual work."

"That must have been torture. How did you survive little buddy?"

"Tis truly a tale for the ages. Although, you must have quite the story to tell after spending all those days off with Sarah. Anything you want to share with your best friend? I can keep a secret.", as he leans in closer.

"So sorry Morgan, but that story has to remain locked up with the rest of the private collection. You can regale me with yours though. How about you come over tomorrow night, some Xbox, pizza and grape soda?"

"Great idea. We can fire up Call of Duty and kick some LargeMart butt." , adds Morgan.

"Uh, I was thinking maybe we could try something different.", hiding his unease, "I hear Fable 2 is pretty decent. Have been thinking of picking up something new for a while now."

"I suppose, but that is really a one player game. Maybe we can do both, nothing wrong with playing a couple different games. It's been a while since the team of Bartowski and Grimes have ruled the battlefield."

"I would like to see the team of Bartowski and Grimes do some work for a change.", Big Mike broke in. "He is barely back an hour and already things have ground to a halt. Grimes! Diaper station, now! Bartowski! We just received an off site trouble call. Let's see if you still remember how to turn on a computer after your vacation."

"But Big Mike, I told Sarah I would meet her for lunch." Big Mike glares at him. "And I am sure she will understand my duty to the Buy More comes first. I'm already on my way." He gathers up his keys and heads off to the Herder. On the way, he checks in with Casey and sends a text to Sarah. Duty done and handlers informed.

Later that evening, Chuck is standing outside the Orange Orange with headphones in hand. Sarah pops out of the back and lets him in. "Hey Sarah, here you go. I looked and looked but could not find any that are knife proof. Just be more careful with the cutlery. Any idea what you want for dinner? Not sure if I am in the mood for Madame Wongs dumplings or some indonesian spicy peanut noodles from Thai Express."

Sarah lets him ramble on about the pros and cons of both dishes. Leading him through the back of the freezer, she leans close to the retinal scanner. With a hiss, the concealed door opens and they continue on down to the main floor. Chuck stops his analysis of what really makes for a good dumpling as the smell of food reaches him.

"I took the liberty of ordering for us. We haven't had a chance to talk since the 'incident'. Do you know how much it costs to have a porsche detailed?", giving him a pointed look.

"Hey, hey, that was not my fault. No one was more surprised than I to find out there was eel in that dish.", putting up his hands in mock surrender. "I said I would chip in for part of it."

"Why don't you and Suzy homemaker take it outside before I give you a reason to need the castle detailed.", Casey says around a mouthful of pad thai. "We have work to do you know. Important catching bad guys and saving the world type stuff."

"Casey, you are what wet blankets dream of for a buzz kill." Plopping down at the conference table, Chuck starts searching through the containers. "Ah ha! Dumplings." He reaches for them, but they are snatched away.

"Mine!" Sarah grins triumphantly. "I made the order so I get first pick. There are plenty of other things to choose from."

Chuck turns his puppy dog eyes on full power and looks up at Sarah. "Not even a couple? It wouldn't do to have the Intersect unable to flash on pictures because of a rumbling tummy."

"Oh, all right, a couple. Wouldn't want to interfere with the operation of the Intersect.", she relents with a smile.

"Now, I am going to be sick." Casey grumbles under his breath.

They sit and have dinner. Casey doesn't get sick. Afterwards, Chuck settles in at the main console as Casey gives him the address of the folder he needs. He whistles at the size. It has been collecting pictures for about a week. "Sarah. Do you still have my mix file on your ipod? I think this calls for extreme measures." He starts queuing up the pictures, sorted by date and location. Oldest first, he begins with New York.

Sarah returns from upstairs and plugs in her ipod. "Anything in particular?"  
"Just randomize it. Thanks." Chuck gives each photo a good long look before moving to the next. It only takes 3 songs before Casey comes up with a reason to get home. Another half hour and Chuck turns to see Sarah just sitting and watching him. "You can go home too if you want. Not much to this but keeping my eyes open."

Looking around the room at all the high tech and valuable equipment then back to Chuck, "No, I better stay. You might get bored and need a break."

"Oh, no faith in the asset. I wouldn't dream of...woah..woah..here we go." The next picture popped up and he flashes right away. "Vladimir Donsova, smuggler, small time muscle, suspected in the kidnapping of at least one eastern European diplomat."

Sarah comes to look over his shoulder. Chuck tags a few lines of text to the photo and shifts it to a new folder. "Why did you do that?", she asks.

"I was thinking, why not send the pictures I flash on to the General. It would make me feel better to put this time to use in cleaning up the streets. Maybe she could place a few anonymous tips with Homeland Security or the FBI." Speaking as he restarts his queue.

From behind Chuck, Sarah resists the urge to throw her arms around him in a hug. _'Barely recovered from debilitating nightmares and already he has a plan for using this to do the most good possible. That's my Chuck.'_


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: Waiting is the hardest part**

Over the next week, Chuck throws himself into the search. Lunch hours are spent in front of the monitor. Returning after work, he goes until Sarah forces him home. Watching him is so tough, he just sits and stares as the pictures appear one by one. On a couple of occasions, she tried to engage in some banter but to no effect. His words are short and smiles become rare. Even Casey is a bit unnerved by the behavior and attempts to get a rise from Chuck in his special Casey way.

The only good thing from this is the size of the identified persons folder. Sarah hasn't said anything about it, but she can't resist feeling pride at that. Almost every night, the news has a story about some anonymous tip leading authorities to an arrest. All across the country, it seems the police and FBI have declared war on criminals. She wonders if he knows what he has done and would it make him feel any better to hear. Through it all, she has to maintain her distance. Sigh when he can't hear. Gaze with joy when he can't see. Protect him with the walls around her heart.

Another morning at the Orange Orange sees Sarah arriving to open. Her mental autopilot has already taken in the locations of cars, pedestrians, and anything that might be out of the ordinary. She sees the first sign of trouble at the front door. The telltale she left at the end of the night is not in place. It's an old habit, going all the way back to her dad's teachings. Cameras can be fooled, electronics can be bypassed, people can't be trusted to stay alert, but who notices a minuscule scrap of paper that was trapped in a door jam. The little white strip was on the floor, right where it shouldn't be.

Entering cautiously, she slips her gun out and pads across to the counter. Sarah pushes a sequence of buttons on the cash register to deploy a small screen. It displays a rotating series of images from the various security cameras throughout castle. Stopping the slide show, she safes her weapon. "Oh no he didn't."

Crossing quickly to the security panel, she fumes while waiting for the door to open. '_What does he think he's doing? He's going to drive himself too hard and then what? Dammit, I knew this mission was a bad idea from the start.' _Sarah turns at the bottom of the stairs and feels the heat dimming a little. Chuck, obviously asleep, is hunched over the panel. Without meaning to, she closes the distance and pushes aside a wild curl. Fingers absently rolling it back and forth as she decides how to wake him.

She glances up at the screen and photo frozen on it. The date/time stamp is pretty recent, indicating he must have been at it all night. Frowning as something grabs her attention, Sarah slides her fingers over to rest on his forehead. '_He's burning up. Okay, that's it. He's done for today, even if I have to handcuff him to his bed.' _fighting a momentary grin, '_And not in a good way.'_

"Chuck. Hey sleepy head. Time to get up and go home so you can go back to bed.", leaning close to his ear.

Some indistinct mumbling is his first response. Then groaning and complaining as the pains from his sleeping position make themselves known. Sarah really didn't mean to, but it was too funny. She starts laughing as he sits up, 'QWERTY' imprinted across his forehead.

"Somehow I didn't think I was that amusing when asleep.", he says. Looking at his watch, "Thanks Sarah, I still have a couple more hours before my shift. I didn't lose too much time sleeping. Need to keep looking at the pictures." Stretching one last time, he sinks into the chair and reaches to start the scroll again.

Sarah reaches past him and kills the screen. "Oh no, you are very done. Chuck, you're hot!"

"You're not so bad yourself. But I really don't think this is the time or the place.", reaching to turn the screen back on.

Rolling her eyes, she grabs his hand and spins the chair around. "No, you idiot, you have a fever. I am officially telling you to take today off. And there will be no arguing with me, so don't even start."

"I can't! I have to find him, Sarah. I have to!" His outburst takes her by surprise. Jerking his hand from her grasp, "Please, don't try to stop me."

Her recent anger bubbles back to the surface, "So, tell me Chuck. Tell me why. Why does the world need you to save it? Yeah, you have the Intersect in your head and can recognize Ribauld. But in no way are you the only one working on this. There are hundreds of people out there tracking leads right now. There are any number of ways to find him or the bomb. After all, he has to get that into the country too. You don't always have to shoulder the weight of the world, you know."

Standing right in front of Sarah and taking her assault, he fires back, "Because......because I AM the Intersect and it won't let me forget." His anger turning to anguish as the words spill out, "I saw the bombs, I saw the statistics on the bombs. Now, when I close my eyes I can see effective dispersal radius and cloud density. Neat little rows of numbers projecting death toll versus population density march back and forth in my sight."

"You saw the target cities. Just imagine, some happy family that saved all year or longer to go to Disney World. A father, mother and their 2.5 kids all living out the rare dream vacation. Then the pictures in my head of the victims of reisen gas. I see the same father, mother and what used to be the light of their lives, all dead. Multiply that by a few thousand or more to really get a grasp on the situation."

Eyes burning into hers, pleading to be saved, "Now, you tell me. How can I ignore that? Sarah, just tell me, what am I supposed to do? Cause so far, it hasn't been enough to find the bastard." Spent from his outburst and weak with fever, he sags forward.

Sarah gathers him into a fierce hug. Feeling his sobs and tremors that come with the sudden outpouring, she has never felt so inadequate in her life. Internally, she rails against the specters of her father and director Graham. '_Where in all my training did you prepare me for this? What skills did you teach me for mending the heart or the soul? Shouldn't I be more?' _

Gathering himself, Chuck straightens and steps from her arms. She reluctantly lets him go, face turned up to his. Deciding on honesty, "I don't have an answer for you Chuck. I can't even begin to imagine what it has been like for you. What I can do is this. I promise you that we will catch him. We will lock him up in some hole where he can never hurt anyone ever again. To do that, I need every tool at my disposal to be 100%, including that computer in your brain.So, no more arguing. I am taking you home and putting you to bed."

Seeing no choice, Chuck allows himself to be led to her car. He falls asleep in the short trip home and Sarah hates to wake him again. She finally gets him into the apartment and Ellie almost explodes with concern. Sarah can't help but see the similarities in brother and sister. The sense of failure written on Ellie's face is so like Chuck. How could a doctor let her own brother get sick and not notice. Ellie was even ready to call in and get off her shift, but Sarah assured her it wasn't necessary.

"I have work covered so don't worry. It'll be nice to take care of him for a change after all he does for me." Sarah tells her.

Ellie looks worriedly to her brother, "You're sure? He can be a bit of a handful like this. Chuck was always a terrible patient." Smiling to herself at past memories.

"Honestly, I think he will most likely sleep the day away. Let me have this one patient and you go take care of all the rest of them." It takes a little more convincing, but Sarah gets her off to the hospital.

Not wanting to spend the day in her work clothes, she pulls out one of Chuck's tee shirts and changes into it. Thinking that maybe she should take over a drawer or two. For the cover of course. Looking through his dvd collection, she picks one with a familiar name. '_I think this is the one Chuck was telling me I had to __see. Something about, one of the characters was a girl that kicked serious butt.'_

After putting the dvd in, she grabs the remote and joins Chuck in bed. Sarah places a pillow at her back and gets comfortable. About the time "Serenity" is scrolling across the screen, he rolls over and puts his head in her lap. Without realizing, her fingers tease and twirl his curls while he sleeps. Mulling over the title, '_Serenity? I wonder what that feels like?'_

If not for the hint of concern at his fever, Sarah is sure she could be happy wasting away a day just like this. Later on, Chuck is awake and picks a couple more movies for them to watch. Ellie was right of course, and Chuck is not overly enthusiastic to take the medicine Sarah gives him. She prevails and it knocks him out. Sitting on the chair with legs curled under her, she is content to watch him as the sun starts to set. She can't help but wonder how much sleep he has been missing with the new distraction.

'_I can't believe it never occurred to me before. All the information that he recovers in his flashes, all turned into memories he then has to live with. Hopefully they fade quickly for him. Just the past year of missions must have left him rocked by the images forced on him.', _leading her to a thought that she has tried to avoid many times. '_Has he seen me, the results of my missions? He once mentioned those French arms dealers I poisoned. At first, I was convinced he had gotten it from Casey. Or at least wanted to believe it. But if my reports and other info made it's way to the Intersect. Who knows what he has flashed on.'_

Now sitting in full dark, Sarah breaks from her musings and returns to the bed. Ready for some sleep of her own, she slips under the blankets with Chuck. Not too close naturally, keeping up the appearance of being professionally detached from the man next to her. If only to herself. The thoughts continue for a while longer, '_Has he ever been afraid of me? There were times he seemed a little off. You could just ask him. Yeah, I could, but do I really want to know the answer. Because then the questions get bigger, like how much has he seen? What does he know about me and hasn't wanted to bring up?'_

The questions continue to chase back and forth through her mind. With an effort of will, Sarah sets them aside and gratefully falls asleep. She won't admit to it, but sleeping in Chuck's room has always brought a certain amount of peace. It is so lived in. Posters and furnishings that speak of his offbeat charm and open nature with a good helping of pure geek on the side. The job has left her with many things that inhabit her dreams. One of the occupational hazards that you have to accept or go crazy from. Chuck often wondered why she shared his bed more often than having him over. Her response was always that it made the cover more believable when Ellie and the others could see it directly. Never the real reason, her dreams were less encumbered in the warmth of his home.

Pulled awake by the insistent ringing of her cell phone, she grumbles and tries to focus on the screen. '_Chuck? Why is he calling me at this hour?'_ Another second passes and then it hits her. Reaching over, Sarah finds his spot empty and cold. '_I am going to kill him.'_

She presses accept and Chucks voice erupts from the phone. He is excited, the words coming quickly. "Sarah, wake up. You won't believe...."

"Where the hell are you and what do you think you're doing!" She cuts him off. "I thought I made myself clear that you were done for the time being. And if Ellie finds out you snuck off in the middle of the night while sick, I am not sure which one of us will kick your ass first. Whatever it is, it had better be pretty darn good mister."

His excitement seems unabated at her tirade as he speaks, "I know, sorry about all that. But I am feeling better, honest. After most of the day asleep, I couldn't just stay in bed. Anyhow, this will make up for it. I found him."

"You found him?" Wanting to stay mad but the news is too big. "You found Ribauld? Where is he, when did he get here?"

"I have security photos showing him passing though LAX just two days ago. Sarah, we have to get him. I flashed. His file is awful. Did you know he is called 'The Demon'? Apparently, he made a name for himself by doing things that even his bosses considered too extreme. No one wanted to deal with the fallout from using him. Eventually, he started his own group so he could keep working. Can you imagine a guy so bad that the other bad guys don't want to work with him?" His voice getting quieter. "Unfortunately, I don't get the luxury of just imagining. The amount of data is pretty extensive."

"Okay Chuck, you stay there. It should only take about 15 or 20 minutes to get to castle and then we can get the news to the General.", as she hops out of bed and starts to dress.

His voice becomes a little embarrassed. "Uh, about that. I'm going to have to come and get you."

"Why do you have to come get me?", she asks a bit puzzled. "Wait a minute. Chuck, just how exactly did you get there? I brought you home, the herder should still be at the Buy More."

"Yes. Yes it is. I....uh....well....you see.....I figured that it was important work and all, so didn't think you would mind if I borrowed your car?" His voice getting higher as he turns the statement into a question.

Her mouth drops open, "You what!"

"Shh...Sarah...you'll wake up Ellie yelling like that. It was for a good cause and I made sure to be extra careful."

Still smoldering, "I think next time I'm just going to lock you in one of the holding cells. You stay there and don't do anything. You've done enough already. I will wake up Casey for a ride."

"Are you sure that's a good idea? He is usually pretty grumpy with only a few hours of sleep."

"If I were you, that's not the person to be worrying about.", cutting the connection before slipping out the window.

It takes a little work, but she gets Casey up and moving. The time has helped her cool off a bit, but she is still going to have a talk with Chuck about all of this. Arriving at castle, the three of them put together a briefing for General Beckman. There is not a lot of information, but more than they had the day before. Now at least, they know he is in the country and which city is targeted. After getting it all sent off, Sarah marches Chuck out to her car. She makes her displeasure known while readjusting the seat and mirrors.

"I am sorry Sarah. I'll never do it again. Promise."

Sighing softly, "I shouldn't have yelled at you. Chuck, it isn't that I don't trust you to drive my car. You just don't think sometimes. Really, you need to consider my position before you go off and do things like this. How am I supposed to do my job when you have driven off with my car? What if the extra time it took to get Casey is the difference between you getting kidnapped or not? I have always respected your desire to help others and do good. But, when it gets in the way of your safety, I have to put my foot down."

Glancing over, she sees him staring vacantly out the front of the car. '_He's flashing on something?' _Reaching to her pistol with eyes darting back and forth. Sarah waits. Seeing nothing, she turns back to Chuck. As he comes out of it, Sarah asks, "What was it? What did you flash on?"

It worries her when the answer is slow in coming, "Umm. I guess you could say, nothing."

"What do you mean nothing? How can you flash on nothing?"

Uncertainty in his voice as he replies, "For the last few days, I have been getting flashes that pop up but aren't actual flashes. It is usually just a cascade of unrelated images and then gone again. Most likely from working so hard and being sick isn't helping."

"Let me get this straight. You have been having these flashes for a few days now and this is the first I hear of it?", her voice demanding attention. "How could you not tell me? Did you even think that it could happen when you were driving, cause you to have an accident? You really make my job difficult." She regrets her tone. Realizing she is not angry so much as very uneasy. "Does Casey know about this?"

"No, only you. I'm hoping that once the pressure is off things will get back to normal."

Taking a moment to collect her thoughts before speaking, "Chuck, don't let him find out. We need to keep this to ourselves and pray that it goes away. I am not sure what the General would do if she thinks there is a problem with the Intersect."

"Put me into an underground lair of doom?" Chuck whispers.

"Yes, that is a very real possibility." She reaches over to take his hand. "You know I won't let that happen. Trust me, Chuck. Now, we have to get home before Ellie wakes up and wants to check on you."

_A/N Just wanted to say thanks for the kind reviews. Has made it all worthwhile. _

_I know there was not a whole lot of action or anything in this chapter, but needed a bridge to kill some time in the storyline and wanted to explore the concept of what happens after a flash. The Intersect data is all unknown to him till a trigger pulls it out. But after, is it just a normal memory to get filed away? And then, could that lead to an emotional cost on Chuck to be remembering all this stuff. Next chapter we chase bad guys and poor Chuck goes from bad to worse, nearing the time line we started with in chap 1. _


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7:Well, that was unexpected**

_'Has it really been 10 days? We almost had him at the motel. It must have been minutes between his checking out and our arrival. After that, he fell off the grid. Every day that goes by makes it less likely we can stop him before he strikes.' _Reading the latest reports from Homeland Security, Sarah finds them just as devoid of good news as yesterday's. Ribauld might as well be a ghost.

She glances at the monitors, '_When was the last time Chuck stopped by for lunch break, or for any reason at all? The initial excitement of identifying Ribauld didn't last very long. Now, he seems to be slipping even farther into whatever is bothering him. The flashing for no reason isn't getting any better either.' _Watching him go through the motions of helping a customer. '_I wish there was something I could do. Hopefully, catching Ribauld will help, ending this mission so Chuck can get past it. I might have to force him to take a vacation. I think we could both use a break.'_

For a while longer, she diligently tries to study a briefing sent over by the FBI. Distracted, her eyes keep going back to the screen. Reading the same line 3 times in a row is enough. Sarah sighs and gets up, '_I can't take it, there has to be something I can do._' Plan firmly in mind, she crosses the parking lot to the Buy More.

She can feel a pall in the air as soon as the doors open. Sensing that a number of employees are looking at her, she can't help but see a bit of hope in their eyes. Chuck is at the Nerd Herd desk, strangely alone and isolated from his friends. As she looks around, it is hard to shake the feeling people are avoiding him on purpose. She responds to a questioning look from Casey with a quick shake of her head. Indicating that there is no threat or mission related reason to her visit. He seems a bit down at that before sliding next to a customer and extolling the virtues of the Beastmaster.

She walks up to the desk, "Hello and welcome to the Buy More, how may I be of assistance. Oh, hello Sarah." She notes the nearly monotone voice.

"Hello Sweetie, It's slow and I wanted to come over and see my man.", she leans over the counter. "Kiss?"

His response is sluggish, unenthused. Giving her a peck on the cheek before dropping his eyes to the laptop again. "Is everything okay? Some major troubles to pull you away from your yogurt?"

"No, nothing like that Chuck.", favoring him with a bright smile. "I just wanted to come over, see how you're doing. I was thinking, it's been a while since our last date and we should really do something about that. Keep our cover healthy. What if I come over tonight, we can watch a movie? It would be nice to catch up with Ellie and Devon too."

"We could do that. Or you could call General Beckman and see if she can get Bryce to come visit."

Totally puzzled, her smile fades, "Bryce, why would you want to see him?"

"I was thinking if you got laid it would get you off my back for a while."

**Thwack!!**

She brings her hand back, palm stinging from the blow. Staring in shock, she can't believe his words or her reaction. Silence reigns over the Buy More as all eyes turn towards her and Chuck. Even Casey has lost his perennial smirk at what he just witnessed. But worst of all is Chuck. He barely registers the slap before looking back down to his work. "Thanks for stopping by Sarah. Come back soon."

Pushing down a sudden rush of tears, she flees the store in confusion. '_That was not Chuck. He would never say anything like that. Normally, he falls all over himself to apologize for every little thing. This time, not a word, not a reaction.' _Looking over her shoulder, she is crestfallen to not see him chasing after her. Arriving at the Orange Orange, she goes right past the counter and descends to castle. Sarah drops into a chair, head in her hands.

A few minutes later, the door swooshes open. "Chuck?", she looks hopefully. "Oh, it's you."

"Happy to see you too Walker. What the hell happened back there? You look like someone just kicked your puppy?" Casey dropped into a chair across from her. "Or slapped it silly."

"Don't start Casey. We could have a serious problem here. Something is seriously wrong with Chuck.", meeting Casey's eyes. "I have something to tell you. But please can we not tell Beckman for the time being?"

"No promises, but I will hear you out and give a fair assessment.", leaning back and waiting.

"Ever since the Africa trip, things have been off with Chuck, just a little at first. It was easy to push off as the stress of everything he went through. During the search for Ribauld, he spent so many hours looking at pictures. It seemed natural to think it was a reaction to being overworked. Now, I am not so sure. You saw that, he was totally out of character."

"You think all the spontaneous flashing is a symptom of a bigger problem?"

Sarah blinked, "Chuck said he only told me?"

"Spy.", pointing to his chest. "You aren't the only one to spend a lot of time around the twerp. I can recognize a flash when I see one. And, I have been seeing a lot of them lately. Normally, he can't wait to rush to one of us all eager to share. No missions means to me, the flashes aren't real. Before you ask, I have not said a thing to the General. I was kind of assuming the same as you. He's working himself too hard."

"Thank you Casey. Now what do we do? He's getting worse, and it's starting to affect his friends and coworkers. Everyone had a deer in the headlights look when I walked in. We can't let this continue or there will be no choice but to send him off to a bunker."

She notices Casey looking over her shoulder. "Walker, just how hard would you say you slapped him?"

"What?", as she turns. It takes a moment to process what is on the screen. An ambulance is in front of the Buy More and someone is being loaded into it. Her blood runs cold as she recognizes the unruly mop of brown hair. "What the hell...."

Sprinting up the stairs with Casey not far behind, a knot of fear settles in her belly. They burst from the shop in time to see the ambulance pull from the parking lot. "Casey, get back to the Buy More and find out what happened. I will tail the ambulance and see where it goes."

"Roger that. I will call as soon as I have something." Then he runs across the lot and disappears inside.

Wasting no time, Sarah jumps into her car and launches from her parking spot. Scaring a few shoppers in the process. Once on the street, she settles into a proper tail. It is all she can do to maintain her distance as adrenalin pumps hot in her blood. Oddly, she is calmed somewhat to see the ambulance actually pull into the hospital. Too many kidnapping scenarios were running through her mind during the drive.

She parks in the first spot she sees. Running to the big double doors of the emergency room, Sarah shoulders her way past a knot of interns to get to the desk. "A man was just brought in by ambulance, Chuck Bartowski. Can you tell me where he is, what is happening?"

Looking up with the standard expression graven on her face, the nurse calmly intones. "Are you his immediate family?"

"No, not family. I'm his girlfriend. He was at work, I had just talked to him and then I see them load him in the ambulance. They arrived not more than a couple minutes ago." Her eyes casting in all directions.

"I am sorry Miss, but I can only give that information out to family members." Seeing how distraught Sarah is, she adds, "I truly am sorry, but even if you were family, a couple of minutes is not enough for me to find any records on him yet. Why don't you call his parents and then wait till they show up. I am sure we will know his status by then."

Frustrated, Sarah snaps, "His parents are gone. He just has me and his sister. Sister!....dammit, of course. Ellie. Dr. Ellie Bartowski is his sister. She should be working today. Or maybe her fiancé, Devon Woodcomb?"

Trying to placate the harried woman at her desk, the nurse uses a more soothing voice. "Don't you worry miss. I can get word to Ellie. Please, just go have a seat and I am sure everything will work out just fine."

Defeated for the moment, she finds a chair that is out of the way to make a call to Casey. "Casey, did you find anything out? I am at the hospital, but I can't get to him yet. They are trying to locate Ellie."

"No one knows much Walker. You left, he just kept working away. Morgan tried to talk to him. He said Chuck just stared at him for a few seconds before falling over backward. They saw he was unconscious and called 911. You know the rest."

"I am going to stay here till I find out what is going on. I will update you as soon as there is any news." Sarah leaned back in the chair. "Casey, can we leave the General out of this till we know the whole story?"

"As far as I'm concerned, he might have had some bad sushi. We don't know any different. No reason to bother the General about that. I'll be at castle. I should be able to get taps set up on their security system. Casey out." The phone goes dead.

She closes her eyes and tries to block out the memory of her last encounter with Chuck. Whatever is wrong with him has to be serious indeed to change him so. At the sound of running footsteps, her hand strays close to a concealed blade as she snaps her eyes open. Immediately relaxing from combat ready at the sight of an upset Ellie. Standing quickly, she meets her with a hug.

"Sarah, do you know what happened? They said he came in unresponsive, his heart and breathing erratic. I knew something was wrong. I should have forced him to go to the doctor days ago. How can I let that happen to my little brother. I am supposed to watch out for him."

Holding the woman tighter as she tries to reassure. "Ellie, stop it. You do everything you can for him. I should have done the same thing, or Morgan, or Devon. We have all sensed something was wrong. Don't worry. He might give us a little scare, but he will be fine. I just know it. Did they say when we can see him?"

Sniffling a little with the tears that are falling, "They couldn't say. First thing is to get him stabilized. Come on Sarah, I can take you to the waiting room in the ICU. He will be there until more is known about what is wrong."

Sharing support, the two women soon reach the Intensive Care Unit. Devon arrives shortly after and consoles Ellie while they wait. Sarah looks on sadly, knowing what she needs is unavailable to her. '_Chuck, you are supposed to be here to make it all better for me.' _Try as she might, she can't remember the exact moment when he became the one that she depended on. '_I_'_ve always kept myself emotionally isolated from everyone, even Bryce. But what can you expect after growing up with no one to really depend on. How did some Nerd Herder from a Buy More become the one thing I've never had but always needed?' _

She looks up as a doctor leaves Chuck's room and approaches. "Right now, Chuck is resting comfortably. We were able to reestablish normal sinus rhythm. Unfortunately, he hasn't regained consciousness. His brain waves are being monitored by EEG. We don't fear an actual coma at this time, but are disturbed by an anomaly. There have been short bursts of brain activity that have no real explanation. I am ordering a functional MRI for later in the day so we can see what exactly is going on. I am sorry Dr. Bartowski, but that is all we have right now."

Watching the doctor talk and the reactions of Ellie and Devon, Sarah feels a growing sense of dread. Their expressions seem to falter as the explanation continues. She speaks up, "Do you think you know what is happening? You can help him right?"

Fixing his gaze on her, "I am sorry Miss, but right now, we don't know much of anything. If I had to guess, I would say the odd brain activity could be a petit mal seizure. Some form of epilepsy perhaps. It doesn't really fit, but nothing else does either."

"Epilepsy? Chuck has no family history for it, has never sustained serious head trauma. There has to be something else going on. Some acute condition that caused a chemical imbalance maybe. He has been out of sorts the last few weeks. Moody, tired, complaining of headaches, but nothing that I took to be serious. Devon and I talked about it, we thought maybe stress. He and Sarah had hit a rough patch about a month ago that seemed to shake him pretty hard. But that is normal Chuck, getting overly worked up about things."

Nodding as he listens to her ramble. "We will know more tomorrow. The FMRI should help us pinpoint any abnormality. And he could wake up at any time so don't lose hope. I will let you know the results as soon as I get them."

"Thank you Dr. Schmidt. I know you are doing everything you can." Devon smiles and shakes his hand. "Don't worry babe. He is the best and will have Chuck up and about in no time. Come on Ellie, I'm going to take you home. You've been on shift for 30 hours already. Sarah will call us if anything changes." Looking over to get a confirming nod.

"Of course, you will be the first to hear. Go home, try and get some sleep. Devon is right, I am sure Chuck will be just fine."

Devon gets Ellie to leave, but not before she visits Chuck to say goodnight. Pulling out her cell, Sarah puts a call through to Casey. "Walker here. They have him in ICU, he hasn't woken up yet. There are some tests scheduled for later."

"The hospital security cams are on remote here at castle, I can keep an eye on things from here or at home. Uh.....Walker, can I ask you a favor? I really don't like hospitals much. So, I was hoping you can take care of on site security."

_'Thank you Casey.' _Trying to sound casual, "Sure, Casey, I can handle that. I will keep you updated. Walker out." Thumbing her phone off, she slumps in the chair. '_I am starting to think Chuck and I are the only people trying to see our relationship as fake. And even that is not certain._' Looking around for a nurse, she walks to the central desk.

"Excuse me, I came in with Dr. Ellie Bartowski. Her brother is here and I was wondering if I can go in to see him? I'm Sarah, his girlfriend."

After consulting a chart. "Certainly you can Miss Walker, Ellie made sure to put your name on the list. They will be taking him for tests in a couple hours. At that time, I suggest the cafeteria to kill some time. I can give you a pager, let you know when he is back in his room."

"Thank you. That's very kind." Sarah smiles before pacing over to the door. Pausing at the sight of Chuck, looking so frail in the hospital bed. Gathering in a deep breath and her courage, she crosses to him. After pulling a chair close, she sits, takes his hand in hers and wishes to see his eyes open.

She feels the silence press in heavily and needs to banish it. "Chuck, can you hear me in there? You are really giving us a scare right now. And, you have to apologize to me for what you said." Sighing, "I am sorry for slapping you. I don't really know why I did it. But, I bet you would have some insight or comment on the whole episode. I can count on you to know what to say."

A bittersweet smile, "You always seem to do that to me. Come up with the right thing to say and take away hurts I wasn't even aware of." Moving closer to whisper by his ear, "That means you have to wake up. My Chuck is a fighter and driven to do the right thing. He would never just leave someone with an issue unresolved. Wake up Mr. Bartowski, consider it an order."

Resting her head on their twined fingers, she dozes. Some time later, the opening door brings her fully aware and ready for action.

"Miss. Miss Walker. You need to wake up. Chuck has to go for his tests now." The nurse calls softly from the doorway. "I have a pager for you. Don't worry, I will let you know soon as he gets back."

Sarah accepts the pager and listens to directions for the cafeteria. Shortly, she is seated at a corner table, eating something that looked safe. She tries to fill her head with good thoughts. The Bartowski clan and friends at Thanksgiving, his smile when she walks in the Buy More to see him, the goofy sandworm costume from last Halloween that he was so proud of, and then the look in his eyes at her costume. Anything to keep the picture of him in that bed out of her head. Pulling out her phone, she starts paging through photos of him, of them. Smiling at some candid shots he doesn't know she has. What he would say in reaction so clear in her ears.

Lost in thought, she finally notices the buzzing of the pager. Tossing her barely touched food in a waste can, she rushes back up to ICU. The nurse meets her outside Chuck's room, smiling in a way that lifts Sarah's heart. "I have great news Miss Walker. Chuck is awake. You can go right in."

Smiling, Sarah slips inside his room. He glances at her and then casts his eyes down, looking very uncomfortable. Sarah sits alongside the bed and reaches to take his hand. He starts to move it but is too slow to avoid capture. "Talk to me, Chuck. What's bothering you?"

He responds while keeping his eyes focused anywhere but on her, "You must be so mad at me. What I said was horrible. Sarah, you have to believe me, I didn't mean a word of it. Something is wrong, I haven't been myself and I know it is hurting the people around me."

"Chuck, shut up." His eyes whip up to meet hers. "You just stop it right now. I don't want to hear any apologies from you until you are out of this hospital and can do it properly. You got that mister?"

"Yes ma'am Agent Walker. Loud and clear." a small smile curling his lips. "I will do my best." Turning serious again. "Do they know what is wrong?"

She decides to keep the details to herself, "They are doing some tests, nothing definitive right now though. Stress has been mentioned a few times."

Pinning her with a stare that won't be ignored, "Sarah, I think we both know what is wrong. And there won't be anything they can do about it." He puts voice to the thoughts she has avoided all day. "It has to be the Intersect. All the pointless flashes and my headaches, it has to be. I have been afraid to drive the herder for fear I would flash and end up wrapped around a telephone pole. It's been getting worse, not better. Maybe it is simply too much for one person to hold on to, too big of a burden. I think the Intersect is killing me."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: Where angels fear to tread**

It was one of his bad days. After almost a week in the hospital, Sarah had seen every mood possible from Chuck. He could be his sweet, normal self one minute, angry and hurtful the next. She knew Ellie found it hard to be around him sometimes. Her brother meant the world to her, and he seemed to be slipping farther away with each episode. Today, he was complaining about tests. Everyday it was one test or another. He accused the doctors of a sadistic need to poke him in every way they could. Twice, they had resorted to sedation when he wouldn't cooperate.

She watched him now, sitting stooped in his wheelchair. They had just completed another FMRI and were waiting for the nurse to wheel him back to his room. The anger from earlier all gone, now he was just so tired. '_He's been losing weight. I didn't see it at first, it came on so gradual. But, Morgan stopped by yesterday for a visit and was taken aback at Chuck's appearance. You can see it now though, sunken eyes, cheeks so hollow.' _Reaching to trail her fingers through his hair. He stirred under her touch, but nothing more.

"There you are Mr. Bartowski, ready to go back to your room? Lunch is about to be served. I hear there is chocolate pudding today, yum." The nurse takes hold of his chair and pushes him to the elevators. Sarah follows along.

"Chuck, I will be up to your room in a little while. Ellie and I have a meeting with your doctor on the latest test results." Giving him a brave smile that he barely notices.

The nurse gives her one of those sympathetic looks. A look that is really starting to piss Sarah off. '_I don't want your damn sympathy. I want someone to figure out what is wrong and save him.' _Remembering his statement about the Intersect, '_You had better be wrong Chuck Bartowski. I'm not ready to end this assignment yet.' _She smiles to the nurse, "Take good care of him."

"Of course Sarah, he is my number one patient.", pushing him into the elevator.

She watches the doors close. '_Do they have a class on how to be insincere and patronizing or what?'_

Meeting up with Ellie, they arrive at Dr. Schmidt's office and are ushered in. This isn't the first meeting. With each one, hope seems to dry up a little more. They hear lots of 'we think' and 'maybe this will tell us something'. Soon followed by the admission of inconclusive results. Still, Sarah smiles for Ellie's sake and plays the strong one for them both.

"I would like to say we are closer to finding out what is happening with your brother, but it doesn't look good. Today's functional MRI is disturbing to say the least. I am very sorry Dr. Bartowski, Miss Walker, but without an answer, I don't see him lasting more than a few more weeks."

"No, no, no, no....how can that be. He has always been healthy, never smoked, barely drinks. I would have seen something if it was this bad. There is no way my brother can be dieing and not see any symptoms. He can't!" Ellie starts crying and leans into Sarah.

An arm around Ellie for comfort, Sarah looks to doctor Schmidt. "What makes you think that?"

He turns his computer screen so all can see and punches up a picture. Sarah can see the shape of a head in cross section and various colors in neat little pathways. "Here you see his normal brain activity, completely normal in all respects. Which is part of what makes his problem so unusual."

Bringing up a second picture. Where before it was a nice orderly little map of lights, the new image is a riot of clashing colors. "This is what one of his seizures looks like, for lack of a better term. This is the image from his test on the day we admitted him. If you look closely, see that darker spot there. And one right here." He points to the screen. "We don't know what the lack of activity means, but it is most likely brain damage."

He taps on his keyboard again and Sarah sees a new picture. "Here is today's FMRI. Can you see the difference?" Sarah barely contains a gasp. Instead of just a couple small dark areas, it is now riddled with them. "We think this is the source of all his problems. The damage could easily be causing the mood swings, the lethargy, all of it. And, if it is not stopped, I see this leading to a coma and eventually death. I am so sorry ladies. I really wish I had better news for you. All I can suggest, make the most of the time you have now. My colleagues and I are at a loss."

Sarah has to speak for both of them, Ellie is a lost cause with the pronouncement on her brother. "Thank you for trying Doctor. I appreciate all of your efforts." Standing, she pulls Ellie up and leads her from the room.

They meet Devon in the outer office and Sarah hands her over. "I think you should take her home, Devon. The news was not good."

"They've given up, telling me Chuck is going to die. That can't be right. We were supposed to always be there for each other. Always." Crying on his shoulder. "He won't be at my wedding. He promised to be there. God, how can you take everything from me! It isn't fair!"

Devon gathers her up and looks helplessly at Sarah. All of this is so far beyond her, she has no idea what to say. '_If Chuck were here...' _She starts to think. But that just makes it worse, sending her heart to tumbling in her chest. "Ellie, Devon, they might have run out of things to try here, but I am not giving up yet. There has to be something we can do and I aim to find it." Sounding so confident, she can almost believe herself.

After saying her goodbyes to Devon and Ellie, she takes the elevator up to Chuck's floor. She puts her smile in place before going into his room. Chuck is sitting up in bed, staring vacantly while his lunch goes untouched. Not for the first time, Sarah sits on the edge of the bed and feeds him. He offers no resistance or initiative. "Chuck, I have to go out for a while. I need to talk to Casey. Don't worry, I will be back before you know it."

"Okay Sarah. Thanks for putting up with me." He even tries to smile for her.

It is too much, she has to hurry from the room to avoid any tears. She doesn't have time for them right now. Dialing Casey, she walks to her car. "Casey, I think it is time we call the General. If the Intersect is what's killing him, then his government has a duty to try and help him."

"Are you sure about that Sarah." She can't help but notice he didn't call her by her last name. "They could just as easily decide to bring him in."

"I know Casey, I know. What else can we do. They think he might not live more than a few weeks as it is. If he is alive, there is always hope. If he dies, I want to know I did all I could. I will be there in about 10 minutes. Make the call." Hanging up, she puts her Porsche in gear. '_If he lives and ends up in a bunker, will he ever forgive me?'_

Back at the hospital, "How's my favorite patient. I see you did a good job on your lunch. I have a surprise for you. It is such a lovely day, how would you like to go out in the garden for a while? Would you like that?"

"You do realize I'm an adult. I've even had sex a time or two.", giving an annoyed glare.

She bustles on, totally unfazed, "That's nice Mr. Bartowski. Now be a good boy and hop in the wheelchair." She holds it steady for him and then pushes him from the room.

"I am starting to wonder if you've ever had sex though. I don't think they allow that kind of thing where you come from. Fantasyland right?"

"Now, now Mr. Bartowski. I am sure you will feel much better when we get you outside."

He makes the rest of the trip in silence. Once outside, he has to give her credit. The weather is perfect. The smell of flowers and greenery is rejuvenating. She pushes him to a nice spot, overlooking the back of the hospital. A breeze tousles his hair, he turns his face up, eyes closed and drinks in the warm sun. After a few minutes, Chuck starts to look around. Unable to remember the last time he had seen more than the four walls of his room or some lab, he vows to make the best of this time.

Movement catches his eye, a man on the loading dock is wheeling something up to the doors. Chuck sucks in a breath as a flash starts. The first real one in weeks. He sees the crate, plans of a ventilation system, Ribauld's face. '_Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. He's going to poison the hospital. I have to tell Sarah and Casey.' _He reaches for his cell phone, only to find hospital gown and nothing else.

'_Think Bartowski, think. What would Sarah or Casey do. In the realm of things they would do that I can also accomplish. A depressingly small list. First, I have to find a phone. Then, try and stall him till the cavalry arrives.'_

_"_Nurse. Nurse Bannon. You were right about the nice day. I feel so much better now. In fact, I could really go for another cup of that yummy pudding. Do you think you could get me some?" Giving her one of his winning smiles.

He gets a smile in return. "Of course Mr. Bartowski. One chocolate pudding coming right up."

As soon as she goes back inside, Chuck throws off the blanket and stumbles from the wheelchair. His legs are unsteady at first from lack of use. But, the need to stop Ribauld is stronger than his weakness. He reaches the loading dock and spies a phone. Trying to dial Sarah or Casey is fruitless, the phone is not programmed to an outside line. Slamming it back on the cradle, he hopes to find one he can use inside. Chuck pushes through the doors, on the trail of the Demon.

When Sarah reaches castle, she sees Casey is already on the line with General Beckman. Stepping alongside, she waits for her turn to speak.

"Hello Agent Walker, I am told you have important news on the Intersect?"

"Yes ma'am I do. We didn't want to make any reports until we could be more certain. It looks like we may lose the Intersect. Chuck Bartowski is dieing and the doctors don't have any hope for a cure. They are unaware of his special condition, but to me, it seems the Intersect is what's killing him. There is all this unexplained brain activity and they believe it is causing damage little by little. I was thinking that if we could get some of our doctors in on the case, they might have better luck. After everything Chuck has done for us, I think we owe him a fighting chance."

The general takes in Sarah's argument, "I understand Agent Walker. With the new Intersect still months away from completion, it would be a shame to lose the asset. But, I think this might be for the best. Agent Walker, Agent Casey, it is up to the fates to decide. Request denied."

Sarah quick steps forward, "But General, just like that. Write him off when he has sacrificed so much without a real choice in the matter. Isn't there anything we can do?"

"I have to agree with Walker. Bartowski deserves something from us. He may be an annoying little moron, but you can't deny his heart and desire to do his best with no training to fall back on."

The General stares them both down, "Enough! This isn't a debate. I can't authorize any kind of assistance for Bartowski. It might be more dangerous in the end. You both know very well how deeply Fulcrum has infiltrated. If I start moving resources, especially resources with knowledge of the intersect, who is to say where that information could end up. We could save his life, only to have Fulcrum agents show up on his doorstep. Keep me posted of any changes." She kills the feed, leaving Sarah and Casey to stare at a blank screen.

The silence is broken by Sarah's cell phone. She pulls it out and looks at the caller id. Answering quickly when Ellie's name flashes on the screen. "Ellie, what is it? You should be trying to get some rest?"

"Where is Chuck? The hospital just called and he is missing. Aren't you with him Sarah?"

"Ellie, slow down. What do you mean Chuck is missing." Giving a look at Casey and nodding to the security feed from the hospital. "How did he get out of his room without anyone seeing?"

"His nurse thought it might be nice to go to the garden for some air. He seemed to be enjoying it, even asked for some pudding. When she got back he was gone."

"They took him to the garden and that is the last they saw of him?" With the prompting, Casey winds back the camera for the courtyard until he sees Chuck. "Ellie, calm down. He can't have gone far. I will find him, promise."

As she talks, they watch the feed. Chuck looks agitated all of a sudden, looking down the hill at something. He calls the nurse and she leaves him. Once she is gone, he gets up and totters down the hillside.

"You stay home. I am sure by the time you could get here, he will already be back in his room. I will call you as soon as we find him." Hanging up on Ellie.

"Where did he go Casey? Can we see what is down the hill?" Looking on as he starts flipping through other viewpoints.

"Check his gps location, Walker. I can see his watch." Comparing timestamps, he checks the other outdoor cameras for the same period. "Gotcha, loading dock. What the hell is he doing down there?"

While Sarah waits for a location, "Roll it back, he must have seen something."

"Already on it. Nothing but some delivery guy." Freezing the screen, he looks more closely. "Does that crate look familiar to you?"  
Focusing on the picture, "Casey, that's the missing bomb! Oh my god, Ribauld is going to hit the hospital. Chuck must have recognized him." She is drawn back to the locater, "Signal is weak, but he is still there. He must be in the basement."

"What are you waiting for Walker. We can't let Chuck catch the bad guy all by himself. He would never let us forget it."

Navigating on the image from the Intersect, Chuck makes his way into the bowels of the hospital. Humming machinery effectively covers any noises he makes. They also prevent him from listening for the approach of danger. Peering around every corner, he creeps to the approximate location called out in the blueprints. '_So far so good. Of course, I have no idea what to do when I find him. I still need a phone. I can let them know, maybe they can get some people out of the hospital before the bomb is set off.'_

Entering a small control room, Chuck peers over the console. Ribauld is busy removing a grate from main ventilation. '_If the bomb goes off, it will send it's deadly vapor to every corner of the building in seconds. Think Bartowski.' _Flashing lights catch his eye. Looking down, he sees the piping overlay and valve controls for the boiler system. He smiles as a plan starts to form, now if he can pull it off.

"Hey you, with the ugly haircut. Hands up and step away from the package." Chuck's voice reverberates through the equipment room speakers. "We have you surrounded, make it easy on yourself." He pushes a button and cycles an automatic valve on the far end of the room. Ribauld draws and fires at the source of the noise.

"Nice try, but Agent Grimes is just fine. And I should mention, his partner, Agent Wu is currently looking at you through the scope of her rifle." Pushing another button, steam vents from a relief valve in another corner of the chamber.

"Very good, very good. I commend you on your performance. But, I believe you are alone. Were I truly surrounded, you would have taken me right away. Could you afford the chance that while talking to me I might decide to set off the bomb prematurely? I think not. That means you must be right over there." His gun swings up and he fires. Chuck ducks behind the console as glass rains down around him.

Peeking up, he sees Ribauld is on the move. '_Only going to get one chance at this. Where is the CIA when you really need it.'_

_"_We could be so confident in our abilities that we know you won't be able to do it. Never know Mr. Demon. Do you like to be called that? Or would you prefer Sir Demon....maybe his exalted demonyness."

"If I had the time, you might like to find out first hand how I received my title. Actually, I can guarantee you wouldn't like it. Would make me smile though." Edging around the main supply and return pipes to get a better angle on the control room.

"Ooh, I feel so special. You would do that for me?"

"Of course, anything to oblige. I can be very magnanimous to my enemies."

'_Keep talking you bastard, just another foot to the right. Come on, you know you have me. Wait for it Chuck. Wait...Now!' _He gives an office chair a hard shove, sending it hurtling loudly over the metal walkway. Ribauld spins and snaps off two quick shots. Chuck slaps a button on the panel.

A loud whine is all the warning Ribauld gets. As he turns, the stem from a motorized cutoff valve slams into his temple with a loud crunch. He crumples to the floor and lays there unmoving. Jumping up from behind the console. "Yes!! Who is bad? Chuck Bartowski is bad. If only there had been witnesses to my genius."

At first, he attributes the shortness of breath to excitement and maybe leftover fear. His left arm starts to feel heavy and he staggers, falling to his knees. When he feels the elephant sit on his chest, worry sets in. Collapsing to the floor, he stares up at the ceiling. '_It was fun while it lasted. Wish I could have said goodbye in person.' _

Casey and Sarah advance through the basement maze of the hospital. She has her eyes on the tracker and knows they are close. When the gunshots start, she throws caution to the wind, sprinting between the pipes and leaving Casey behind.

"Dammit Walker, wait up. You'll get both of you killed."

She doesn't slow at all. Turning a final corner, she comes upon the body of a man, small pool of blood forming around his head. "Casey! One person down, I think it is Ribauld. No sign of Chuck." Sparing another glance at the tracker, she sees he is near. Her eyes survey the scene, lighting on the broken window of the control room. '_Please be all right. Please be all right.'_

Mounting the stairs, she stops at the doorway. Her worst fear before her. "No!" Dropping to his side, she feels for a pulse. It's there, but barely.

He moves, dazed but aware of her. "Must be heaven." With a peaceful smile, his eyes roll back and he is gone.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Unwanted Gifts**

After the heart attack, Chuck slipped into a coma. He had to be put on an external pacemaker and Dr. Schmidt said it was only a matter of time before a respirator would become necessary. The progression was coming more quickly than anyone had expected. The only bright spot was his EEG. He still showed significant brain activity and the doctors called that a good sign.

In the days since his collapse, Sarah had not seen outside the hospital. There was a steady stream of visitors during the day. Morgan had to come by at least twice. Ellie was attentive to both her brother and Sarah. It was good when she stopped in, whether they talked or just shared some quiet time. She would fuss over her brother, move him to prevent bed sores, fluff his pillows, tuck his blanket in. Often chattering on with some story from their childhood. It never ceased to amaze Sarah, the life Ellie had built for her and Chuck given the obstacles. With her own childhood, she knew just how hard it must have been.

She was in her customary spot, chair pulled up tight against his bed, hands interlocked as she leaned on his arm. The familiar footfalls outside his door alerted her to the arrival of Nurse Bannon. It wasn't time for her normal visit, curious Sarah watched her push into the room.

"Sarah, I....um....have something for you. Chuck made me promise not to give it to you." Her voice getting even softer, "Until he passed. But, I don't see any harm in it now, considering." Her glance to the monitoring equipment finishes the thought. She hands over a small envelope and quickly leaves.

Smiling at her name scrawled on the front, '_How is it all men have such sloppy handwriting?' _Turning it over, she pops open the flap and a key falls into her hand. She holds it up to the light and frowns at the mysterious key. '_I am obviously supposed to know what this is for. Talk to me Chuck. What are you trying to say?'_

As she wracks her brain, a memory starts to separate from the fog. She sees Chuck, almost giddy as a schoolgirl. It was his first time in castle and he couldn't get enough of the computers, the server, all the cool spy gear as he called it. And then, he saw his treasure. A little desk off to the side of the main console and immediately called dibs on it. Very soon it was decorated with a few very non-spy items. So totally Chuck, he smiled up at them and said, "Have my desk, now I'm part of the team for real."

'_Casey just grunted while I hid a smile. It was one of those moments I could get lost in should I allow it._' The memory brings a smile she doesn't hide this time. But there is still something more. '_Yes, that's it. He labeled one of the drawers, __**Chuck's secrets**__. He thought it was a great joke, a secret drawer in a secret lair.'_

Reaching for her phone, Sarah dials Ellie and waits for her to pick up. "Ellie, hey it's Sarah. No, nothing has changed, he is the same. I'm not calling about Chuck. Actually, something has come up that I need to take care of. It shouldn't take too long, but I would feel a lot better if you could stay with him. My greatest hope right now is also my greatest fear, he will wake up, but find himself alone. That can't happen."

Ellie promises to come right down and is true to her word. Sarah squints in the bright sun as she leaves the hospital. Next is a call to Casey, telling him to meet her in a few minutes. Arriving at Orange Orange, Sarah is shocked to see it open and someone working behind the counter. She receives a look of surprise at her unexpected appearance.

"It is a pleasure to meet you Agent Walker. Name is Cook, Amanda Cook. The local office sent me over to keep things going during your leave of absence. Major Casey is already downstairs. I didn't know you were...back in town?"

With a brusque, "Good to meet you Agent Cook." Sarah brushes past and makes for her target. A small lump forms in her throat as she looks at the little desk. That stupid little finger puppet thing, he would sit there and go "Grrr....Arghh" when he thought no one was looking. The key fits in the lock, as she knew it would. Casey has joined her and is patiently waiting in silence.

The drawer slides open to reveal 2 dvd cases stacked on top of each other. The top one is labeled "Casey and Sarah". She opens it and gingerly removes the disc. After crossing to the console, she pops it in and takes a step back. The screen resolves into a familiar face and familiar smile. It hurts to see him so normal looking.

"Hello Sarah, Casey. If you are watching this, I guess that means I am dead or dieing. I've always wanted to say that. Um, no, actually I have never wanted to say that. But they do it in all the spy movies, so I guess it is expected."

"Moron." Casey says under his breath, minus the usual inflection.

"Anyhow, where was I. Oh, yes. I don't know what happened to cause this of course. But I do know that you both must have tried your best to prevent it. Casey, in deference to your big boy feelings, I will try not to get all mushy. From the start, we all knew this could be one of the possible outcomes. Especially with my tendency to not stay in the car. I want the two of you to know, I couldn't have asked for better partners. For the first time in 6 years, I was alive again. With the occasional misstep, but still, things were moving forward."

"Sarah, you are the most amazing woman I have ever known. Anyone that can go from a knife fight on the streets of Istanbul to turning every head at a diplomatic function by just walking in the room, that is a woman to be treasured." Ducking his head, "I always wanted to be the lucky guy that treasured you the most." Returning his eyes to the camera, "What we had was certainly something and there are no regrets on my end. Sarah, all I can ask is one day let someone in. You deserve every good thing the world has to offer. Oh, and I need you to promise. Promise not to hurt Casey."

Sarah blinks at his last comment and looks sidelong at Casey. Seeing him start to fidget.

"Casey, buddy, I will keep this short. I want you to know that I do consider you a friend. An angry and prickly friend, but that is just you. And, I forgive you. I guess staring at one's own demise is great for seeing the bigger picture. I never intended to say anything, but seems pointless to hold back now. Bryce's little Intersect update we recovered from Von Hayes. It had a certain set of orders I flashed on by accident." He stares intently from the screen. "I know that you were ordered to kill me when the Intersect went live."

Sucking in a painful breath, Sarah takes a step away from Casey.

"It's okay, I can see all the reasons and they are hard to argue with. Like I said, death and bigger picture go well together. I also believe in my heart that you would have hated to follow the order. Your duty is who you are and, like it or not, you would carry out your orders. John, forgive yourself and let's call it even." Chuck pauses for a breath.

"Well, I guess that is about it. Just a couple of details. The other disc is for my family. Don't worry, I made it at home and there are no government secrets spilled. Sarah, in the back of my closet is a white box that goes along with the dvd. You will know what to do with it when the time comes. Oh, right. I guess I should specify what I mean by family. Ellie and the Captain of course. Morgan is effectively the brother I never had. And you Sarah. No arguing. You are as much family as anyone can be, Ellie would say the same. I better sign off. It has been a privilege to work with you both. Sarah, remember your promise."

Before the screen has gone to static, Sarah has her gun out and pressed to the bridge of Casey's nose. Her eyes are blazing and Casey has to look away. "You....You....you were actually going to go through with it?"

"Yes. Okay, yes, I was going to go through with it. In fact, if you had been 5 minutes later for your date with loverboy, it would have been done."

"My god, you were there, in the apartment? He trusted you Casey, trusted both of us. And there you were, eager to do the General's bidding."

"Get off your high horse Walker. That order could have just as easily gone to you. You would have done the exact same thing. You and I are a lot more alike than you imagine."

"No way Casey. I would have talked to them, done something to get the order rescinded. Chuck has done too much to just be put out to pasture like that."

Casey snaps, gun or no, he roars back at Sarah, "You don't think I tried! Go to hell Walker! You aren't the only one that the twerp has gotten to. I know what people used to say about me. They would pass by in the halls, 'There goes Casey the burnout, Casey the killer. He's General Beckman's personal weapon, just point and shoot.' And they were right. I'm not that guy anymore. Well, except for the liking to shoot people part. This assignment has made me remember why I started the job in the first place. I wanted to make a difference, serve my country in the best way I could to give a better life to Mr and Mrs America out there. Somewhere along the way, I got lost."

He softens his stance and quiets his voice, "Lost the same as you were when we met. Agent Walker, Sarah, how long can anyone hide from the job before it costs too much? We chose the job not the other way around. If those orders had gone to you, it would have been you pointing a gun at Bartowski's head. We both know it. Now put the gun down, honor his last request."

Sarah lets the gun fall. Terror bubbles inside her at Casey's words. '_Am I that much like him?' _She presses forward and starts to cry on Casey's shoulder.

"Walker, you're going to leave a wet spot. I have to go back to the Buy More and finish my shift."

"Casey, shut up and deal with it.", she growls back.

Later that evening, Sarah has gathered everyone in Chuck's room. Devon and Ellie take a place on her foldout bed while Morgan snags the other chair. They cast curious looks to the white box on the floor near her and the tv/dvd player that was brought in.

"This was all by Chuck's request. I don't know anymore than you do. He wanted us to see this." Not sure what else she can say without her voice betraying her, Sarah starts the machine. For the second time today, she has to look at Chuck and remember the way he was.

"Hey there. I guess you are wondering what this is all about. Let's just say, I wanted to make sure I got the chance to say goodbye. Ellie, Devon, I can't speak to how much it hurts that I won't see the wedding. You will be the most beautiful bride in the history of brides, Sis. Devon, you asked me for her hand in marriage and I gave my blessing knowing that she will always be cared for. I know you won't let me down. It's not much, but there is something I want you to have. Sarah, honey, there is a photo album in the box for Ellie and Devon." He waits to give time for her to find it.

Popping the box open for the first time, she finds the album at the top. Silently handing it over to Devon. He places it in Ellie's lap and she starts to turn pages, tears rolling shortly after. Chuck starts talking again.

"Okay, maybe it is overly sentimental. You know when they ask you, 'Who is the person that most influenced your life?' Well, sis, that was you. I kept everything I could. Pictures of us, your report cards, pictures you drew for the refrigerator that mom and dad ignored. I kept the letter of acceptance you received from medical school. Devon is in there too. You can see all the joy he brought into your life. Those pictures tell it all. You always were and always will be my hero, Ellie Bartowski." Chuck has to stop and wipe away a few tears. Ellie is bawling and curled into Devon's arms.

"Morgan, my best and most loyal friend. I don't really know what to say man. We were supposed to end up in a retirement home together kicking the butt of all those youngins at Call of Duty 37."

"You know it man, we would have been awesome. To borrow from the Captain."

"Seriously though Morgan. You are ready. In fact, I always believed you were more ready than I was to get out in the real world. You've got Anna, she is a great girl. There is no one who could run the Buy More better than you without me around. People were always saying that you held me back. Personally, your helping me with my inability to get over the past was probably holding you back. Morgan, in that box is my lucky controller. Which is now your lucky controller. You have to carry the mantle for me buddy. I know you will do me proud."

Sarah pulls out the controller and Morgan takes it with a reverent air. "Don't you worry, I will carry on the tradition in your name, Chuck."

After an appropriate pause, Chuck looks out from the screen. Even as a recording, she gets the feeling his eyes can find her no matter the crowd or circumstances. He gives the smile that she always felt was hers alone. "And Sarah. How to start. I always saw us being together for a lot longer than this.", chuckling awkwardly.

Whispering, "So did I."

"Here goes nothing. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, I knew a girl named Jill." At the mention of that name, silence fills the room. "We had some fun times and I eventually came to believe we were in love. I think we all know how that turned out." Winking into the camera. "Thereupon, I returned home and settled into a life of no challenges, hiding if you will. One thing I learned from Devon and Ellie is what true love really looks like. I wanted that too. Who doesn't. Then there was the day. Stop the presses, is that Vicki Vale? I'm not sure you knew what to think meeting the two of us."

Sarah shares an amused look with Morgan. Ellie has quieted and from the safety of Devon's arms listens intently to her brother's story.

"Long story longer, you actually were brave enough to still ask me out. And the rest, as they say, is history. Somehow, you were able to put up with me and I discovered the biggest secret of all. I was finally able to put a face to everything that love is. Not everyone finds that in their lifetime, so I count myself as lucky. Okay, on to the gifts. Yes, plural. It wasn't intentional, just the timing worked out that way. I had already bought your Christmas present, no reason not to give it to you." Chuck stops talking and waits.

From the box, Sarah draws out what looks to be a jewelry box. She knows everyone is looking on as she flips the lid open. Inside, she finds a bracelet, more accurately, a charm bracelet. It looks like something any souvenir shop would have, but that doesn't make it any less special in her eyes.

"I know, Chuck the big spender.", grinning. "To me, what makes a present important is not what it is, but what it means. Each of those charms holds a special memory for me." His eyes turning sadder, "I wanted to be able to explain them all to you personally. Over time, I hope you discover your own meaning in each one. Now, on to what you need most. Sarah, my Sarah, I want to give you family. Blood is not what makes a family, it's the people. I know Ellie and Devon already think of you as more than just Chuck's girlfriend. You can't ask for a better brother and sister, I should know. And what family could be complete without a crazy uncle Morgan to show up and make the holidays interesting."

Stunned into silence, Sarah just stares at the screen. Devon and Ellie are on their feet and surround Sarah in a hug like she has never felt. '_How does he do it? And why do I deserve it? What if Casey was right about me? Given the orders, would I pull the trigger?'_

_"_Okay folks, it is time for me to go. Do one last thing for me? Whenever you think of me, make it a good memory. I always loved seeing your smiles." With that, he reaches off camera and the screen blanks out.

Morgan is the first to move. He gets up and takes the dvd out, slapping it back into its holder. Grabbing up the white box, he tosses the controller in, retrieves the photo album and then comes over to pull the bracelet out of Sarah's hand, case and all.

Ellie is the first to speak up, "Morgan, honey, what are you doing?"

"We can't keep it Ell. It all has to go back."

"Morgan, I know it's hard, but Chuck wanted us to have those things. It was important to him."

"And Chuck is important to all of us, you, Devon, Sarah. But don't you see. If we keep these things, it is like we've given up. There he is, right there in that bed, alive. I am not giving up on my friend. I hope the day never comes when that controller belongs to me."

Reaching out, Devon brings Morgan to the circle of friends. "I think you have it exactly right Morgan. Chuck hasn't gone anywhere yet. Keep the faith is what I say."

They each say their goodbyes to Chuck and then Sarah. Ellie and Devon are adamant that Sarah knows exactly what they think of her and Chuck's offer of family. Alone again, she curls as close to Chuck as she can and lets the tears roll freely. At some point, she made her way to bed and fell asleep. It was not to last long though. Tonight was the first nightmare, the first time she watched herself shoot Chuck dead.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10: Friends like these, who needs Enemies**

Sarah had just survived one of the longest nights of her life. The frequent torment of her dreams was unabated. But last night had a waking nightmare that was even worse. Alarms shoved her rudely awake and next thing she knew, faceless orderlies were pushing her out of the room. She looked on in a haze of worry at all the people running in and out, pushing carts and unrecognized equipment. A doctor finally found her and explained the situation. Chuck had stopped breathing on his own. He was on a respirator and all his vitals were back to normal.

Now, Chuck had too much equipment around him to get as close as she needed. His hand was still available and she did her best to curl around it. He could still chase away the night terrors for her. She would catch little cat naps during the day to make up for each night. As a spy, it was easy for Sarah to be up on all the hospital gossip. She had taken to talking to Chuck for hours at a time, telling him who was sleeping with who. There was the man two rooms down. One woman would visit during the day, another saw him only in the evenings. Both wearing wedding rings. The nurses couldn't get enough of that. Sarah had always considered those daytime hospital dramas to be overblown and a waste of time. Now, not so much.

It must have been early evening when she heard the door slowly swing open. He made a good effort, but not good enough. With an easy flick of her wrist, 4 inches of shining steel flew across the room to be buried in the door frame mere inches from his head.

"Whoa, Sarah, stand down." His eyes darting between the knife and the woman.

"Don't worry Bryce, I knew it was you." Pointing to her ear, "Casey gave me the heads up before you even entered the building. I just wanted to let you know how happy I am to see you." She gets up and retrieves her knife. "What?", at the look on Bryce's face.

"I don't think I have ever seen you looking so...uhhh", clearly struggling with what he wants to say.

"Oh for god's sake, just spit it out, I won't throw another knife at you."

"Domestic. I have never seen you looking so domestic. No makeup, hair just pushed back in a pony tail, looking like you slept in those clothes. What has happened to you Sarah?"

With a mirthless laugh, she spears Bryce on a cold stare, "Happened? Oh, I don't know, let's see. Chuck, your self-professed best friend, is laying there more dead than alive. My number one duty to keep him safe is certainly going great, thank you very much. And even better, it appears that your caring has been what put him here in the first place. His big buddy Bryce, needing someone he can trust, sends the Intersect to the most innocent and undeserving man on the planet. This puts him in mortal danger at every turn." Her voice spiraling higher with every word.

"But wait, it gets better. Chuck here is too valuable and so our loving government sends him on a mission he might never have been ready for. Oh, it broke him, but I was hoping we got past the worst of it. Take a bow here Bryce, cause you can claim the credit on this too. By all appearances, your gift is what he is dying from. The Intersect that you pushed on him seems to be picking his brain apart one piece at a time. So come on over and tell your friend all about how you've been looking out for him." The manic energy gone, she sinks back into the chair.

Bryce has no idea what to think. Sarah has never been anything but totally in control. His first instinct is to take her in his arms. Kneeling, he pulls her close. She starts to squirm like a wildcat, hands slapping at his chest, "No, no, no....get off me you bastard. Why would I want anything from you. Look where it got Chuck."

Stung more by her words than the physical blows, he backs off. So close now, Bryce gets his first good look. He chokes on his next breath, that can't be his friend. Try as he might, he can't find anything that reminds him of Chuck in that hospital bed. "Oh Chuck, I am so sorry."

"Little late for that don't you think." Sarah regards him from her chair. Legs pulled up and arms wrapped around to hold them to her chest. "If you want forgiveness, I think you knocked on the wrong door."

"Fine, fine, you're all pissed at me. But don't you question my motives. Chuck was my friend long before you ever met him. Did you forget, I fed him the update to keep him useful and relevant. Or maybe all the months since, I have the target on my back to keep Fulcrum away. You've been sitting here enjoying the good life, serving yogurt and playing with Casey."

"I have not done anything of the sort with Casey, he is my partner and that is it. A damn good one too."

"So, that means you'd rather be playing with Chuck?"

"Yes....wait....what? No! He is my asset. That is all. Nothing says I can't care about his well being. I would think that makes me better at my job if I think of him as a real person."

"And that is all he is, your asset? They could reassign you tomorrow and you could say, 'Goodbye Chuck, nice knowing you.' Then head off ready for your next mission."

In almost a whisper, "Yes."

"What's that Sarah? I can't hear you. I knew it the last time I was here. You've fallen for our boy haven't you?"

Glaring defiantly, "No, I am not in love with Chuck. Why is everyone always saying that?"

"If I had to guess, I would say, because it's the truth. I thought for sure Chuck would do the right thing when I told him to break things off with you clean."

Bryce puts up his hands and backpedals quickly. The sight of a furious Sarah surging from the chair gives him a moment of panic. "That was you! You put that stupid idea in his head! Oh, I should have known. It makes perfect sense. It must have been quite a blow to your ego, thinking you lost your girl to Chuck. For your information, Jill comes back into his life, turns out to be Fulcrum and we are all nearly killed. All because you got Chuck thinking he needed to turn away from me for his own good."

"You can't pin that on me. How could I know anything that outrageous would happen. Jill Roberts, little Jill from Stanford, is a Fulcrum agent? At least I wasn't the one who froze in the train station and nearly cost Chuck his life in the first place."

"I was going to take the shot, I just needed a better angle. Don't you turn this back on me. I have been doing just fine without you around."

"I can see that Sarah. You are a picture of perfect right now."

"Why you....." She launches herself at him. Raining punchless blows onto his chest and shoulders while calling him every name in the book and inventing a few new ones. Bryce accepts it all, arms out to his sides. He owes her this much. When she starts to wind down, he takes her into his arms again. This time she allows the embrace.

"Sarah, you do love him don't you?"

Muffled by his chest, "No." Rises up to his ears.

"Of course you don't, that would be unprofessional." Looking over at Chuck, his eyes speak to what he really believes.

After a few more minutes, Sarah pushes at his chest. "Off." She straightens up and a bit of the Sarah he remembers has returned to her eyes. "Now that our heartfelt reunion is done. What brings you here Bryce?"

"Oh, yes. I come bearing gifts.", sincerity in his gaze. "I just hope it's not too late." He pulls a slip of paper from his pocket and hands it over. "General Beckman told me to give this to you personally. And she wanted you to know that she has no idea what is on it or any knowledge of why you would need it." Grinning a bit. "Those were her exact words. The old bird."

Bringing her a bit closer, "Here is the scoop. That is the number for a doctor. He is totally outside the company, civilian all the way. He is some kind of genius and the CIA used him once before. I heard he is a handful, but knows his stuff. I just wish this had gotten to you faster. Beckman had to use outside channels to keep it under wraps."

"Thank you Bryce. I'm sorry about earlier. It's been so hard." She gives him a proper hug and peck on the cheek before moving back.

"Sarah, I am pretty sure I deserved most of that. You have to understand, it was never supposed to be like this.", nodding to Chuck.

"Well, if you want to make up for it. Do me this one thing. Stop doing Chuck any favors."

"Anything you say Agent Walker. I wouldn't want to interfere in the performance of your duties."

"And don't you forget it Agent Larkin."

Bryce watches her return to the chair, that little piece of paper held in her hand like gold. Silently, he wishes Chuck a speedy recovery. For both their sakes.

"Walker, what was all that about? For a minute, I thought I might have to help disappear a body.", Casey's voice sounds in her ear.

"It was a near thing. With Christmas coming soon, Bryce just wanted to stop and deliver a present for Chuck. Special delivery from the General no less."

"Don't kill me with suspense, what is it?"

Opening the folded note, Sarah reads. "Dr. Gregory House, Princeton-Plainsboro, New Jersey."

_A/N: All the reviews have been great. They are keeping me pumped to finish. The last few chapters have been something to write. Almost feel a bit drained myself. Just want you all to know. I am addicted to happy endings. Yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Just not next chapter. Hehe. Enjoy._


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11: How Low Can You Go**

**10:30 am, Present Day**

Looking over the equipment, Sarah feels sure that everything is covered. House had been unyielding in his need for a complete examination of Chuck. Casey was called on to help, both in bringing over some items from castle and as blocker to prevent any disturbances. No one at the hospital could know what was happening for the safety of Chuck's cover. Her hope was, with diagnosis in hand, they could convince Beckman to supply a CIA doctor to take care of any treatment. Naturally, they couldn't go to any of his regular doctors, or even Ellie, and just hand over a note saying what Chuck was suffering from.

Looking at the clock for the hundredth time this morning, she is rewarded to see it is finally time to place the call. After typing in the up link information, she awaits a response. The blank screen is maddening and her mind wanders. It has been a struggle to keep her hopes in check since the first conversation with Dr. House. To say he is confident would be an understatement. Sarah was leaning more towards egotistical if she had to give it a name. He had requested every scrap of medical data on Chuck be transmitted to him. Then, go on and on complaining about the impossibility of the job with all the black ink covering various parts of his history. On some level though, Sarah could sense his desire to solve any riddle and that is what made dealing with him bearable. If it brought Chuck back to her, she would do anything.

The screen flickered to life and with it the grizzled countenance of one Dr. Gregory House appeared. She took a moment to assess the man. Unshaven and looking older than expected, he stared back at her with a different kind of appraisal in his eyes. "Am I lucky enough to be examining you today Agent Walker?"

Rolling her eyes, "Considering the patient records say you are diagnosing a male, I would hazard a guess the chances are very slim."

"Can never be too careful dealing with the CIA. Get my hopes up that I will be examining some poor, sick man and then pull the bait and switch. All to trick me into closely inspecting every inch of some hot female CIA operative. Never let it be said I won't sacrifice for god and country."

"Your desire to serve the public interest is duly noted. Now, would you like to see your patient?"

"Only if it will get you to stop flirting with me. I am flattered but maintaining a long distance relationship is so draining." As Sarah brings the web cam over to Chuck. "Start right at the top Agent Walker and then we will work our way down. Get in close and shift his hair to help me see along the hairline."

Glad to have House getting down to business, she complies with his instructions. Sarah slips her fingers through Chuck's hair, turning it this way and that while aiming the web cam. Memories of how it used to feel give her a moments pause. Even his curls have gone lifeless with the ravages of illness.

"Is there a problem Agent Walker? I really want to be done before my program starts. Cynthia is going to confront Marcus, force him take responsibility for fathering a baby with her sister. But she doesn't know that Marcus is not really the father. Her sister was sleeping with Donovan, Cynthia's husband, and he is the one."

"If you stop talking right now, I will do my best. And come on, Donovan? He was in South America trying to help with an Ebola outbreak at the time. It has to be Santiago, the attractive house boy, pool cleaner, family lawyer.", sighing. '_Did I just say that. I am never setting foot in a hospital again.'_

_"_Where to next?" Sarah cuts in before House can respond.

Back to the task at hand, "Okay, forehead...looks good. Right ear....around behind. Left ear....nothing there either." He keeps up a running commentary while providing directions for Sarah.

She does her best to remain detached and professional. Telling herself he is just another mission that needs to be completed. Fingertips slide over his chest, House directing her to push or pull at every bump and freckle. So far, Dr. House has been satisfied with the examination. He orders her lower, spending a little time on the stomach. "I've seen enough here, you can move on Agent Walker."

She sidesteps and aims the web cam at one of Chuck's legs, starting a slow pan.

"Are you a lesbian, Agent Walker?"

Completely surprised at the question, Sarah drops the web cam and scrambles to recover it from between Chuck's legs. "What kind of question is that?"

"I assume you attended high school and would have some basic knowledge of biology. General anatomy tells us that after the stomach, hips and pubic region would come next. You skipped right to the legs and totally bypassed a free show of the fun bits. I was just putting two and two together.", finishing with a smug smile.

Holding back a choice curse word or two, Sarah takes a deep breath. "I did not think there would be any reason to look there and so, wanted to respect the patient's privacy."

"Which medical school is your degree from? I thought I was the doctor here, and it should be my call as to what is or is not relevant. It's a safe bet you've seen a man before. Our patient is in a coma and I would never tell. The only reason has to be you don't want to look." He takes a short pause, contemplating. "Or.....you want to look, but not under these circumstances. Agent Walker, does the patient ring your bell?"

Ignoring the question, "Fine, whatever you need doctor." She sets the camera down and grits her teeth to keep steady. '_Hold it together Walker, just another day, another mission. You've never been shy to get naked with someone when necessary. Chuck is nothing more than a mark for seduction. Seen it all before.' _Proud of herself, she strips down his boxers with barely a tremor in her fingers. Taking up the web cam again, "Ready Dr. House. What do you want to see?"

House gives a little whistle, "Either he has recently been in a deep REM state, or he's happy to see you, Agent. One can never tell with a coma patient." He gives her a moment with the comment before feeding her further instructions.

Taking her time to not betray anything to this jerk of a doctor, she does everything he asks. Back and forth, Sarah makes sure the camera gets a good view of the entire region. The silence lengthens until she starts to worry he has seen something. "Dr. House, is there a problem?"

"No, no problem. I was just giving you two some time together."

Sarah sees red and turns the web cam on herself, eyes on fire and voice dripping venom. "You listen to me and you listen very carefully. If this patient dies because you are screwing around with your infantile delusions, I will find you and I will kill you. Do I make myself clear Dr. House?"

"Very clear Agent Walker. Have you been in love with him long? I didn't think that was looked on favorably in your line of work." Having satisfied some inner need only he knows, House becomes all business and cuts through any reply Sarah may have. "Back to work, we have an exam to finish. One leg at a time, all the way down. I want to see everything, even between the toes. Get to it Agent, our patient is not going to wait long in his condition."

Pushing down burning anger, Sarah rushes to fulfill his orders. He speaks in short, clipped sentences. She moves quickly to keep up. Very soon, she steps back and looks to the laptop. "Now what Dr?"

"You are going to have to be very careful. We need to get him over on his side and check out his back. I would prefer if you had someone to help. Surely, I don't need to tell you what could happen if we disturb any of the equipment."

She surveys Chuck and all the monitors. Her first motions tentative, arranging some of the tubes to allow for moving him. Once confident there is enough slack, she places the camera within reach. Eyes darting to everything connected as she lifts him inch by inch. With one hand, Sarah keeps him balanced on his side. She reaches for the camera and starts to sweep back and forth, starting up by his neck. Swallowing back a whimper at the site of nascent bed sores, she makes sure House can see it all.

"Wait! There! Go back, go back!", startling Sarah with his outburst. "Agent Walker, right shoulder blade.....lower....lower....there...hold it."

She glances to the laptop, House leans in very close to the camera as he studies the screen. "Isn't that just a pimple or bedsore? It really doesn't look any different to me."

"Another example of why I am the doctor and you're not. Did any of the geniuses out there even look at the patient? That is not a bed sore, pimple, wart or any other little skin blemish. What we have here is exactly what I was looking for. A bug bite. Old and possibly a little infected. It all fits."

Impatiently, "What fits doctor? Do you know what's wrong? Is there a cure?"

"I will answer your question after you answer one of mine. Was our patient in Africa about two or three months ago?"

"Dr. House, I am not cleared to discuss anything beyond his medical records."

"What is more important, Agent Walker? Keeping something secret that I already suspect or giving me what I need to confirm the diagnosis. I will make it easy for you. There are two options. One, you can tell his next of kin they are free to plan how to spend his death benefits. Two, you can tell me what I want to know and we can save his life. Think about it, but don't take your time."

Her decision already made before she has Chuck laid back down, Sarah says, "Yes, he was in Africa."

"That wasn't so hard. I wish I could say he will be fine, but unfortunately, the cure for what he has is deadly in it's own right. You need to get him on it as soon as possible to have a chance. Tell his doctors to treat for African Trypanosomiasis, commonly, African Sleeping Sickness. Your boyfriend was bitten by a tsetse fly. I would guess you noticed some flu-like symptoms, changes in his behavior and other neurological symptoms. The parasites he picked up from the bite love to hang out in the brain, heart and liver. The treatment is toxic and he is very compromised at this advanced stage. Therefore, time is of the essence, I would get on it. Good luck Agent Walker. If you will excuse me, my show is starting." The signal stops abruptly and leaves her staring at a blank screen.

A little stunned, she shakes her head to clear it. They have an answer, after all this time, an answer. She brings up her watch and starts talking rapidly. "Casey, get the General right away. It has nothing to do with the Intersect. He has Sleeping Sickness from the Africa mission. Tell her we need a doctor, any doctor she can cut loose to start the treatment. He won't need to know anything about Chuck at all. And Casey, hurry, Dr House says the treatment is dangerous. If Chuck gets much weaker, it will kill him trying to save him."

To help with the wait, Sarah gets Chuck dressed again and arranges his blankets. Giving his hand a squeeze, she looks at him and daydreams his eyes open and a smile on his face. '_Don't worry Chuck. Keeping you safe is my mission and I never fail at a mission. Hurry up Casey.'_

Casey surprises her, arriving very soon with a CIA doctor from the local office. He rushes him into Chuck's room. Without wasting time for words, the doctor opens up a case and pulls out syringe and vial. With a practiced ease, he draws back the plunger to fill the syringe, taps out any bubbles and injects the contents into Chuck's iv tube.

Satisfied, he turns to address Casey and Sarah, "He is going to need injections every 12 hours for the next 4 days to complete the course of treatment. To make it easier, I can train the on-site agent so we don't need all the sneaking around." Sarah steps forward. He emphasizes the need to be careful with the toxic cure and then goes over all the proper procedures. Repeating them until he is certain she has it down.

As the doctor checks over Chuck for any negative reactions to the treatment, Sarah walks close to Casey. "I'm surprised Beckman made her decision so quickly."

He shifts and looks uncomfortable, "Well, I haven't actually told her yet. You said it was urgent so I grabbed the first doctor I could find. Sometimes, it's easier to ask for forgiveness than permission."

"Major Casey, if I didn't know better, I would say you cared."

"Just doing my job, Agent Walker. No reason to be insulting."

When the doctor is ready, they sneak him from the hospital. Sarah hides the case and sets an alarm to remind her of the treatment times. Feeling good for the first time in a long while, she pushes her chair back against Chuck's bed. She sits with her legs curled under and takes hold of his hand. Tracing up and down his fingers, she relaxes into a light sleep.

Turning over, she finds herself in Chuck's room. A place she wasn't sure could exist for her anymore. The familiar posters on the wall and shelves of books and games were like a balm to her nerves. Best of all, she wasn't alone. Under the covers with her was Chuck. Warm and welcoming as he slipped his arms around her. The lack of any clothing set her heart to beating faster. They melted together for the first of many kisses. His lips were so alive on hers, raising the temperature of the room at a rapid pace.

Breaking for air with the glitter of tears in her eyes, "Oh Chuck, I have missed you so much. I thought you were going to leave me. Leave me all alone."

"Shh, Sarah, you will never have to be alone again." Smiling into her eyes, he returns to her lips with increased passion. She blames her needy responses on the mission enforced celibacy. Much too long for a young and vital woman to be expected to endure. Sex, that would be easy. She could find that any place and any time she wanted. What frustrates her is the knowledge of what she needs and sex is not it. It used to be, once upon a time. Thinking back on the nights with Bryce, they were always good. He was both an energetic and accomplished lover. '_Accomplished, ha! A kind word for well trained._' He knew the seduction school handbook backwards and forwards. But, was she really any different. Performers in a well rehearsed play, they satisfied each other without touching anything real.

In that regard, Chuck was no Bryce. She could imagine him as all inspiration and eager to give. Yes, he might make the occasional misstep, but would be fearless to learn her song. Chuck made love to her. It was so very, very different and the only way she could describe it. There was no play book. The progression of A to B to C did not exist for him. He saw her as a unique individual and made it his personal mission to discover the melody of her soul. Deep, deep down she wanted to be known. '_Doesn't everyone?_'

Lifting from her lips for a moments breath, "I love you Sarah."

With her heart bursting, "Chuck, I lo.........." And then her dreams turned to ash. Only able to watch, a helpless puppet to her nightmare, Sarah reached under a pillow for her gun. She placed the barrel to his forehead and pulled the trigger. So warm, his blood was so warm as it sprayed over her. His eyes are what broke her, filled with sadness at the rejection of his love. He kept reaching for her, calling her name. Sarah started to thrash in her need to escape from what she had done once again. Screaming, she awoke to find Ellie leaning over her.

"Sarah, Sarah, wake up honey, it's only a dream.", Ellie looked down on the distraught woman and spoke in her most soothing doctor voice. "That's it Sarah, just a dream You're safe and Chuck is fine. He is still with us."

Trying to speak, Sarah croaks out, "I'm okay." Hearing her voice, she wonders how long she had been screaming.

Getting some water for Sarah, Ellie rambles, "They could hear you down at the nurses station. I was on duty and they called me, thinking it would be good for you to see a friendly face waking you up. You were screaming about Chuck leaving you, not wanting to be alone, telling him not to die. I am only saying this as a friend, you have spent every day here at his side. The strain can be too much for anyone. Maybe you should spend a day at home."

Sarah takes a long drink to calm herself. "Thank you Ellie. I appreciate your concern. We both know the next few days might be all he has. I need to be here for him to wake up to or be here so he does not pass on alone."

"Whatever you say, Sarah. But if you need a friend to sit with or talk to, you know who to call." With that, Ellie gave her a kiss on the forehead and hugged her close. "I have to get back to my rounds now, but I can stop by later."

"That would be nice, Ellie. And I am sure Chuck would appreciate your visit.", bravely smiling.

**Two Days Later**

Sarah's good spirits were slipping away. The treatments had been administered like clockwork, but no change was visible so far. Ellie had brought a couple of Chuck's favorite books in and they were all taking turns reading to him. She found it hard not to smile at the different voices Morgan would use. So animated as he embellished on the already heroic tales of elves and men. Not content with simply departing from the story, he was renaming characters and creating a whole new mythos.

"There we were, Sir Chuck of BuyMoria and his faithful manservant Morganus the Grimes. Evil had fallen on the brave citizenry of our fair land. Emmitus of Milbargeron, a truly evil sorcerer with plans of conquest, had his eye on the throne. Biggus Mikus, the rightful ruler, was taken in by the silver tongued wizard and turned from his loyal followers. Too dangerous for any one man to defeat, a fellowship would be required to ensure the downfall of Emmitus. Sir Chuck gathered to him the greatest heroes BuyMoria had ever known in a bid to free the realm. His call was answered, they came from far and wide. Lesterolas the elf, Jeffli, a dwarven warrior of some renown. And there was..umm..Anna, super cool ninja chick that breaks from canon but must be included."

Fully into his story, Morgan is on his feet. Fighting alongside Chuck and friends to put down the threat to all of BuyMoria. Sarah watches, not sure what is really going on, but entertained nonetheless. He continues until Nurse Bannon informs him visiting hours are over. Taking his leave, Morgan gives a salute to Sir Chuck and his Lady Sarah.

The quiet returned, she wonders if Chuck knows how much his family and friends care for him. Inside, she knows they would do the same for her. She is not sure why she deserves it though. If they knew the things she had done, the things she might have to do, would they be so eager to include her?

A noise demands her attention. Sarah leaps to her feet and is instantly at Chuck's bedside. There is a moment of panic as she watches him convulse and make choking sounds. Desperate, she starts pounding on the call button. "No Chuck, stay with me. You're supposed to be getting better."

The door opens as a nurse looks in. Surveying the scene quickly, she turns and yells for a doctor and the crash cart. Sarah feels the nurse grab her and pull her away from Chuck. With a loud bang, the door flies open. One of the attending doctors rushes to Chuck, he takes one look at what is happening and starts to disconnect the respirator.

Sarah screams, "What are you doing! He needs that to breathe!" She slips free of the nurse and tackles the doctor, pinning him to the wall. "I won't let you hurt him, he isn't dieing, he isn't."

"Sarah!!", Devon's strong voice cuts through the room, "You have to let him go so we can get Chuck off the respirator. He's trying to breath on his own and fighting against it."

Releasing her hold, she regards Devon with hopeful eyes, "So, this is a good thing?"

Devon assists the other doctor while beaming a smile at Sarah. "More than good, it's awesome."


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N Just wanted to add, I really had no idea what was going to happen in the Christmas episode. My gift of the charm bracelet was a plot point from the start as a part of the resolution. It just turned out to be coincidence and not spoilery. They must have seen my notebook...hehe._

**Chapter 12: A Charming Encounter**

You could taste it in the air. An undercurrent of positivity was obvious in all of Chuck's visitors. Shortly after removing the respirator, the doctors had done some additional testing and concluded it was safe to remove the external pacemaker as well. His prognosis was good. It was being called something of a miracle around the hospital. Stories circulated of a coma patient at death's door only a week ago and now they were hoping he would wake any moment. If only everything could be that good.

Sarah had reached the point where she was afraid to fall asleep. The nightmares were becoming more vivid every day. It had been her most fervent hope that a recovering Chuck would lead to fewer episodes, not an increase. With Chuck better and the Intersect restored, she should have no fear of a kill order being issued. Surely things could go back to the way they were. So why wasn't her subconscious getting the hint? She did make one discovery. Late at night when there was no one to tell her no, she would leave the little foldout bed and curl up with Chuck. Head resting on his chest, she could drift dream free while his heartbeat sounded in her ear.

'_What was that?' _Her eyes popping open, instantly awake. Obviously something was different, she scanned the room for a clue. Nothing in the room had changed, it was Chuck. The heart beating underneath her had picked up speed. Next, she noticed his rate of breathing was on the rise as well. Lifting up for a good view of his face, Sarah waited. It began with little eye movements and some twitches in his lips. Before long, he opened his eyes. Closed them right away again before starting to blink and squint at everything around him. He scrunched up his face in an effort to focus, making Sarah giggle softly. The sound drew his attention and she saw the effort required to make his eyes work.

He tried to speak, voice broken and gravelly from disuse. Sarah shushed him before pouring a glass of water. "Take it easy, just small sips. You've been out for quite a while."

Lifting the glass to his lips, she tilted it for him to drink from. The first swallows looked painful, but he was soon motioning for more. When the glass was empty, she put it aside and watched him expectantly. After making a few trial vocalizations, he brought his eyes back to her. "Agent Walker, you look like crap."

Grinning, "Says coma boy. I would bring you a mirror but the shock might kill you. Welcome back." Turning serious, she whispers to him, "Can you do me a favor? When we are alone together, don't call me Agent Walker. Please?"

Not sure where that came from, he simply agrees with her. "Anything you say Sarah." Studying her for a few moments , Chuck sees how her eyes cling to his every move. "It was pretty bad, huh?"

She only nods. Not trusting her voice to give him an answer without breaking.

He looks around the room again, starting to pick up details. Landing on the shelf where one would usually see flowers, he spots an array of odd bits and bobs. "That must be from my Buy More brethren. None of them would actually pony up for some flowers with what we get paid." Chuck breaks into a smile and laughs. The sound wraps around Sarah like a warm blanket.

"Most of it is from Morgan. Jeff tried to leave things on a couple of occasions, but the nurses would dispose of them right away. Ellie brought the books so we could read to you."

"No flowers from Casey, I'm hurt." That gets them both laughing.

Sarah shifts to leave the bed. "You don't have to go, I'm very comfortable"

"I'm certain of that, Chuck. But, I'm thinking of our safety. If I don't call right away and let Ellie know you're awake, she will kill us both." Winking at him before picking up her cell and placing the call. After a few rings, a sleepy Devon picks up. Passing on the message, she has to pull the phone from her ear as Ellie goes crazy. Walking over to the bed, "She wants to talk to you."

"Hey sis........I feel pretty good.........Yeah, that's what Sarah said.........No, don't come down now, get your sleep and we can talk in the morning. I should probably do the same..........Really, you can tell me all about it in the morning.........Going to hang up now, good night. Love you Ellie." He hangs up and hands the phone back to Sarah.

"Think she'll actually be able to go back to sleep now?" He watches Sarah put her phone away. For the first time, he notices the foldout bed and pile of clothes. "Sarah, did you stay here the whole time?"

"Of course." Returning to his bed and climbing back on. She curls up again and closes her eyes. "Someone had to be here on site with the Intersect. Casey said he doesn't like hospitals, so he did remote surveillance from castle."

"That's our Casey, a real slave to his many fears"

Looking up with an innocent expression, "Are you saying he might have had another reason to get me to volunteer for staying in the hospital with you?"

"If there is, I can't think of one." Cracking a smile.

"Now I think you're just trying to tease. Go to sleep Chuck." Resting back on his chest.

"Good night Sarah." She feels him place a kiss on the top of her head.

That morning was pandemonium. Ellie and Devon were there first thing. She had gotten the word out and soon it looked like a staff meeting at the Buy More inside Chuck's hospital room. Sarah used the opportunity to excuse herself. She told Casey there was an errand she needed to run and would be gone an hour or two.

Returning to the hospital, she picked the lock on a supply closet and shut herself in. Sarah wasn't ready to face everyone right now. It had been over a month of hell and she was about to crash. Her hands had started to shake uncontrollably on the drive back. Exhaustion, deprivation, and worry had all taken their toll and now she was paying the price. She sat on the floor, rocking with her arms wrapped around tightly. Alternately crying then cursing, she rode out the storm as best she could.

An hour later, Sarah felt some measure of composure returning. Turning to lean against a shelf, she pulled out the reason for her errand. The bracelet sparkled in the dim light as she fastened it around her wrist. Afterward, she held it up to inspect each of the little charms that Chuck had chosen. Some seemed to make sense to her; like a rocket, a cougar, and a fish that might be a marlin. Others were not so clear, especially a boat, a silvery star, and a mother & child pendant. About the only thing that Sarah was confident of, he would surprise her with the explanations.

"Walker, where are you? Are you back yet?", sounds in her ear. "Visiting hours are almost over and it won't look right for me to keep hanging around."

"Yes, Casey, I'm back. You can head out, I'll be in Chuck's room in five. Walker out."

"Roger that, Casey out."

True to her word, Sarah reaches his room in 5 minutes. She observes from the door before entering quietly. He appears to be asleep and she can't blame him after the day it must have been. She knows he is very weak. It was hard to ignore when he held her hand this morning. Silently crossing to the foldout, her intention was to curl up for a while and let him rest.

"Ellie was wondering if you were all right. You disappeared when the visitors started." Chuck moves his head to look at her. "I told her you were giving me some time with everyone else. We had already had our chance to talk for a while last night. Was it nice to get out of here for a while?"

"It will be nicer when I am taking you out of here and not looking back." Coming over to perch on the edge of his bed. "Did you get through today okay? Morgan wasn't too much for you, was he? I can't remember the last time I've seen him so excited."

"It wasn't a problem. Ellie was able to keep things under control." Chuck reaches to cover her hand and encounters the bracelet. With a sly smile, "Someone got into her Christmas present."

"Someone slept through Christmas and couldn't give it to me in person."

His face clouds up, "Did you......"

"Yes, Chuck, we did."

"I meant everything I said."

"I know."

"And I still mean it."

"I know." Sarah climbs fully on the bed and stretches out, holding up her hand. Speaking softly, "Tell me what they mean."

"It would be my pleasure." Looking down at the hanging charms, he picks a starting point. "The fish is supposed to be a marlin. That is for saving me, both from Lizzie and from the underground bunker of doom. I was so close to losing everything that night, but you and Casey put it all on the line for me. I really don't know if I could have survived either option."

"Next, this cougar here. I was hoping it would remind you to trust once in a while. You keep yourself so closed up all the time and I do understand why. But, I wanted you to think on the fact that someone learned a thing or two about you and didn't use it against you or try to hurt you with it. There are going to be people in your life you can come to trust. And, at the same time, we kept a very dangerous weapon system out of the hands of some bad people. Always a good day in my book."

He smiles at the next one, "I bet you were wondering about the mother & child. No, it is not an expression of my heartfelt desire to start a family with you. It is about family though. Particularly, us working as a team to help a family when no one else was going to do a thing. Mei Ling's brother is still alive because of our help. Sarah, you and I have not had much for a family life with our parents. It can be easy to convince yourself you don't need it. But, it is important and should be protected when you find it."

Sarah watched and listened. There had been so many times she feared these moments were gone. She was surprised at how good it felt to hear his voice again. "You really put a lot of thought into these. What is the little boat for?"

"I consider that the first really low point we had. It was still fresh in my head seeing you and Bryce together. Dealing with Lon Kirk, I was emotional and jealous, gave you every reason to wash your hands of the whole thing. And then you......you listened and believed in me anyhow. We broke up a counterfeiting ring, saved my best friend, and got to see a car explode." laughing at the memory of Casey's expression before sobering. "The thought that I had failed you guys with a false flash was really getting to me. Your confidence seemed undeserved, somehow."

Leaning her head against his, "It was totally deserved. I could see it in your eyes, hear it in your voice. You were completely certain. How could I not go with your intel? Next? That one." Pointing to the star.

"That one. That is a very special one. The star is our first date. A first date of dinner, dancing, car chases and saving a General from being blown up along with a hotel full of innocent people. You could say it was the first day of the rest of my life. I might not have asked for it, but I can't imagine life without you, the intersect, Casey, all of it. My girlish screams in the face of danger notwithstanding, I wouldn't change anything that brought you through the doors of the Buy More"

Chuck pauses for a moment, feeling his cheeks warm. He clears his throat and pushes on. "The rocket has to be our biggest success. I still can't wrap my head around what could've happened had we failed. It would be a lie to say I'm not scared some days. So much hinging on what the three of us did in those few hours. Then, I think about the fact it could happen again. The responsibility in being the intersect and the lives we affect. Is there some kind of agent training you get? Something that helps you keep your feet grounded when one mistake can spell a near worldwide disaster?"

"To be honest, there is no way to be ready for that. You push forward and do your best, trust in your team if you have one, and make it work because you don't want to think about the alternative. Chuck, I was scared too. That mission could have ended so very badly. I had faith in you and Casey, even General Beckman, that we would do everything in our power to stop it. And I was right, you were amazing once again."

Placing her finger on his lips before he can speak. "Chuck, I love the present. The obvious time and care you put into each choice is humbling. I need to know why? Why would you do all this for me?"

He takes a deep breath to gather his thoughts, looking deeply into her eyes before the words start to come. "I'm worried about you Sarah. Moreso now than ever before. I look at Casey. Think back on the few times we have talked, or he talked and I listened. He does what he does to keep the rest of us safe, all the while believing those things can never be his. Then, I look at you and wonder if that is your future too."

"We both come from the same place, parents gone before we were ready. Family life was not normal for you and I to say the least. But, I had Morgan and Ellie, now Devon is part of my life as well. I can't begin to know your life growing up, but I can guess. Never making any friends because you could be leaving at any moment. Unsure you would come home to even find your father there and not in jail. After all that, you go right into the CIA as a substitute family just like you grew up with. Cover identities, meeting and leaving people, making no real ties to anyone as you move from place to place."

"I may not be a super agent like Bryce. But I can do some saving of my own. On occasion you have referred to this as your job, just a job. How long can anyone last before the job becomes all you have, the reasons having disappeared. Right here is something real and solid, the fruits of your labors so to speak. These charms represent people alive now because of you, still able to aspire to their hopes and dreams. First and foremost among them is me." Grinning at her, "And every time you look at it, I want you to remember that there are people who will do all they can to give you that same chance in life. First and foremost among them is me."

Nurse Bannon enters the room and saves Sarah from needing to reply. "Okay you two, it is getting really late and Mr. Bartowski needs his rest. It was a big day today." She waits for Sarah to move from his side before checking his IV and monitors. "Everything looks very good. Now, get some sleep and you can talk again tomorrow. I am sure your friends will all be back to see you. They are quite....unique." She smiles antiseptically and turns to leave, fixing Sarah with a meaningful glance before walking out.

Having noticed the look, Chuck jokes, "I think my nurse is afraid you will attack me in the middle of the night and put me back in a coma." His laugh dies off at Sarah's expression. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing Chuck, nothing is wrong. You gave me a lot to think about and we both could use some sleep. Good night." She pulls up the blanket and turns to face the wall, closing her eyes.

"Good night Sarah" Watching her until too tired to keep his eyes open.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13: Somethings Got to Give**

Laying in the dark, Chuck's last comment bounces back and forth in her mind. "...attack me in the middle of the night...." It was too close to how she had been spending all her nights recently. One way or another, it always came down to having the order to kill Chuck and going through with it. She knew in her heart she didn't want to, didn't think she could at all. But, Casey had tried to talk them out of it before resigning himself to complying with the directive. Would there be any difference if she were put in the same situation? '_I d like to think there would be some magic resolution to the whole problem. In reality, the choice would be quit the only life I have known to go on the run, or kill the only man that has shown me what real life can be.'_

Chuck was asleep. His breathing had fallen into the familiar pattern she had come to know over the past weeks. Feeling it was safe, Sarah rolled over to stare across the room. One thing she knew, losing Chuck was an option she did not want to live with. Her father being sent off to jail was a rough time. Finding out that Bryce had gone rogue and was dead had definitely shaken her. Even the death of Director Graham had bothered her more than expected. But here she was, basically unaltered and going about her business. '_Can I be like this after Chuck as well? If so, how long would it take?' _Swirling thoughts continued until sleep finally claimed her.

'_Here we go again.. Why won't these dreams leave me alone? The last thing I want to do is hurt Chuck, let alone kill him._' Agent Walker calmly crosses the parking lot and lets her eyes sweep the area. In the back of her mind, possible threats are noted and quickly discarded. All seems well again today. Passing through the doors of the Buy More, it takes a moment for her eyes to pick him out, tall, dark haired and smiling bright as sunshine.

After a couple of steps down the main aisle, she sees that Chuck is getting up in greeting. '_No Chuck, stay away from me. I can't stop it. I'm not strong enough._', she thinks to herself. He walks around the Nerd Herd desk and grins. With a smooth draw, her gun is on target. Time freezes as she catches sight of the sparkling bracelet on her wrist. She feels a surge of hope at the new development.

Movement and sound returns to the Buy More, there is disappointment on the faces of her colleagues and past victims. More differences become apparent, the other Sarah is already here. Walking with Chuck, his arm draped over her shoulders, she looks to not have a care in the world. The only person that has not moved so far is Agent Walker herself. She remains in her shooting stance, gun forward and ready with finger on the trigger.

"Hello Agent Walker." Chuck beams a smile, "It looks like you're finally ready. Wouldn't you agree Sarah?"

Sarah nods, "Yes, I think she is." Holding up her own arm to show a matching bracelet. "Of course, Chuck seems to have had a hand in us getting here." Stepping between the gun and Chuck, she meets Agent Walker's gaze as sparks drip from the charms. "Don't worry, we're both going to be fine, I promise. I suppose introductions are in order. Obviously, you are the agent, the one in control. You have been in control for most of our life. I am the woman and have been kept in the background for far too long."

"Surely you must have wondered where all these thoughts and impulses have been coming from. You've been experiencing feelings you can't even put a name to. Two years ago, it would have been unthinkable to get a warm sensation from a hug. Can you remember any time when you daydreamed about someone before you met Chuck? You kept me weak, cut off from what real life had to offer. I know differently now. No more keeping me in a little box, tucked away and out of your notice. It ends today. I want out so I can share all of it with you." Reaching up, she takes the gun from Agent Walker's frozen fingers.

"Where to start.", as she surveys the Buy More. "Why not right at the beginning. Dad, I'm sure you did your best. Not what a daughter really needed growing up, but probably all you knew how to do. I can tell you what I did learn. I learned not to trust, not to open up, not to get to know anybody, even you. I'm not saying I don't love you, we had quite the life together. But you were the one that made her imprison me in the first place. Push away her feelings and forget about me like some horrible weakness. Good bye Dad." Squeezing the trigger, she puts down the ghost of her father.

"And you, swooping in like some savior and ruining what life I did have. Why should I feel anything for you Graham? When you looked at me, what did you see? Your next project maybe, raw clay to be molded into your new favorite toy? Did you ever think about what I might want?" All her questions go unanswered by the dream shade before her. "I wanted to be a normal girl, have a boyfriend, go to prom and wear one of those stupidly expensive dresses. But no, I was a school outcast and the Agent side was already strong before you showed up. After, it was like my prison had shrunk even more." Another shot sounds in the Buy More.

"This is kind of fun, I can see why you like it. Very liberating wouldn't you say, Agent Walker?" Giving her a smile before turning on the next victim. "Bryce, Bryce, Bryce. You were no good for me either. Always more concerned about the mission and being a spy first. I guess that's why she thought you were safe. She wasn't worried you might want to get to know her. It wouldn't be right to expect that from an agent of the CIA. So much easier to move on when there is nothing real given or received. You made it so very, very easy for her to forget I was even there." Once again, the gun sounds and a body falls.

"Hmm, who should be next?" Turning in a circle, she appears lost in thought before aiming the gun at Agent Walker. "I think it's your turn. You're the one that brought us to this point after all. I spent years cut off from everything that we needed while you did what you thought was right. Serving God and country in order to keep from looking in the mirror at what you'd become. It was all going according to plan until you met our Chuck. His smile that could make your heart flutter was also melting the walls of my cell. The simple fact that you started having feelings came on so gradually you didn't even notice." Performing a quick pirouette. "And then there was me."

Gun steady as it points at Agent Walker, she steps closer. "These nightmares? They're because of you. All your agent training has you thinking in one dimension. It's either follow the order and kill Chuck or give up your life. How do you think Casey tried to argue against the order? Tell the General that Chuck is doing a good job and we should respect that. Come on, like that would ever work. You know how the government runs. As long as something is useful and has value, status quo is easily maintained."

Pointing at the image of Chuck, "Can you honestly tell me that is not very valuable to the government.?"

"Yes, he is very valuable. That's what makes him so dangerous to let live." Agent Walker responds, finally freed to speak. "Chuck can't be left floating around out here to be stumbled upon by some enemy agent after the Intersect is back online."

"So unimaginative, I disappoint myself. Do you seriously think that half the missions of the last year could have happened at all with the Intersect up and running in Washington instead of in Chuck's head? His ability to be on site, interpret and flash on new info has been more key to success than just raw data from a computer. Think back to Dr. Zarnow and his comment during the test. They never dreamed one person could absorb all the secrets of the Intersect. And Professor Fleming wanted to recruit Chuck because of near perfect test scores with the subliminal exam sections. Our boy could be one in a million, or even one in a billion and the powers that be want to kill him?"

"No, my dear Agent Walker, you don't try to appeal to their sense of fair play. You give them what they want. An asset that has no parallel. Get the Intersect up and running too, every little bit helps, but keep Chuck up to date and in the field as well. How you say? Don't be blatant, but comment in mission reports on how a flash or insight turned things around and led to success. A constant stream of small positives will sneak up on them. Eventually, they will come to think it was their idea to keep him active as an asset. And some day, if you really want to convince them on how important you think Chuck is, request permanent assignment with the human Intersect to finish your career. Would it be so far from the truth to say you don't feel there is another posting with as much impact?"

Circling like a predator stalking prey, Sarah closes to whisper, "It's okay, I know you're scared. And not just at one thing, so much has happened in the past couple months. The thought of losing Chuck forever to a mission makes your heart freeze. You fear being able to do your job. How could your asset leave the bed you were in, dress and find your car keys without waking you? It should be impossible with all your training. Then, there is the near tragedy of the kill order and the terrifying thought of a next time. Wondering if they will give you that duty instead of Casey steals your breath. And, the demon at the center of it all. Will Chuck turn out to be like all the other men in your life? Using you for their own purposes, ignoring what you need and want so desperately and then leaving you to pick up the pieces alone."

Swallowing past the lump in her throat, Agent Walker meets her eyes. "I assume you expect to get something from this as well?"

"Of course I do. I think we would be big winners." Slipping over to Chuck for a kiss before turning back and closing the distance between them. "You know how it feels to have me around, and I know you like it. We can be a person, whole and complete. All you need to do is say the one thing that has been holding you back." Looking on her with pity, "If you hadn't guessed by now, talking to oneself, even in a dream, is kind of psychotic. You are on the road to a serious break. We can fix it together. And we have all the help we could want right there for the asking." Sarah places herself beside Agent Walker as they watch Chuck step forward and smile for them both. "Go ahead, you can do it. I'll be right here."

Sarah gives Agent Walker a push forward. She stumbles at the unexpected shove and finds herself in Chuck's arms. He steadies her, looking down with his big, brown eyes. Her face turned up, she really looks at him, into him. In his gaze, he holds the promise of a life that could be hers. She feels Sarah at her back, a silent urging pulses through her skin. Uncertainty is a foreign concept to Agent Walker, but right now it has to be the best way to describe what she's feeling.

"But I can't. I can't tell him how I really feel. We aren't ready to take our relationship that far right now. And the consequences would most certainly lead to my reassignment or worse." Agent Walker pleads her case as she drowns in his stare. "You and I will lose him for certain."

Making a clucking sound, "You're too literal Agent Walker. This is a dream, our dream. That's not really Chuck. It's all about symbols and meaning. Of course we can't say anything to Chuck for real until the time is right. For the healing to start, you need to open up here and now. I can't say it for you, but I will always have your back."

Building up the strength to resist her many years of training and the internal screams of how wrong this is, Agent Walker pulls in a steadying breath. She brushes trembling fingers along his cheek before playing with an unruly curl. The motion draws her eyes once more to the bracelet and charms, pregnant with meaning. Locking eyes and leaning close, "Chuck, I love you."

As Chuck steps back, Agent Walker feels the embrace of her other self. Hugged from behind, there is nothing but warmth and safety in those arms. Sparks drip from the silvery charms, but they don't fall. Living motes of radiance encircle the two before spreading out through the dream scape. Off-color faces of pain become softly hued visions of joy as the victims past are morphed into the rescued. Some she recognizes personally, but most are representations of people living and happy thanks to her. Everywhere they travel, the Buy More is reborn. Only Chuck is untouched as he watches two ladies become one. The sparks retreat and fade leaving Sarah Walker reborn.

"How do you feel Sarah?"

She stumbles disoriented, "Honestly, I don't know."

"You'll get used to it over time.", holding out his arm for support. She takes it and uses the moment to look around at the new Buy More.

"We have done good, haven't we? My previous missions were done for the good of the country. This is so different though. It's more.....personal....meaningful. I don't know the right words. Really, I can't recall being face to face with anyone and seeing the results of my work in a smile. Is this what keeps you going when the spy world has you scared?"

Turning her to face him, "You will have to ask Chuck for yourself. I only know what you know." He cracks a totally Chuck smile. "Dreams can only do so much. But they can be fun if you let them."

"Well, that last part was a bit showy, seems out of place for one of my dreams." She chuckles.

Chuck laughs with her, "I blame Chuck and his movies. Our library of symbolism has been expanded. I only hope you don't start having superhero dreams and fly in to my rescue."

Quirking an eyebrow at him, "And how would that be different from real life?"

"Touche Agent Walker."

"Call me Sarah."

"Of course."

Drawing a deep and easy breath, Sarah opens her eyes to the familiar view of hospital ceiling. Unbidden, a smile grows as she recalls the nightmare turned dream. She knows deep down there will be no more. Even better, she has a plan to work on for the long term that might save them both. Sarah lifts her arm and takes in the magical bracelet. It will always be magical to her. She brushes each charm with a finger, memories playing before her eyes. Each one accompanied by Chuck's narration. Needing one more thing, she climbs from the bed and approaches her sleeping charge.

Without thinking, she lightly brushes fingers through his hair and smiles down at him. She knows the coming months won't be easy. '_We can handle it.'_ Not caring what Nurse Bannon will say, Sarah edges onto the bed and finds her spot next to him. Leaning up for a featherlight kiss on his cheek, she whispers, "My hero."


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14: Homecoming Dance**

On days like this, Sarah wished she drove a convertible. The weather was perfect, sun high and warm as a favorite blanket in the morning. Her eyes were continually drawn to her passenger and the joy spilling from him. Chuck was finally out of the hospital and could not contain himself. Inside, she still hurt to look at him. He would be a while recovering completely. The weight loss was drastic. He wouldn't admit to weakness, but simply walking from the hospital doors to her car had winded him. Biting her lip the whole way, she had given him his space and remained ready to catch him.

As the streets became more suburban and familiar, a sense of unease settles on his shoulders. His smile was ever present as he drank in everything. All the same, he began to fidget in his seat. Sarah finally had to ask, "What is it Chuck? Is there a problem?"

Regarding her with a growing sadness only apparent in his eyes, "Ellie has a party planned doesn't she? It's okay if she swore you to secrecy." Letting a half smile play on his lips at the irony. "She's my sister and I can't see her letting me come home without making a big deal of it. I'm not sure I can handle it, Sarah."

She reaches over to squeeze his hand, involuntarily shocked yet again at how bony and weak his grip is. "Don't worry Chuck, you won't be alone. Everyone is there because they love you and that won't be changed by anything." She tries to lighten the mood. "Except for maybe Lester and Jeff. They'll be there until the booze runs out."

That starts him chuckling and he favors her with a real smile. "How long do you think Casey will last without cracking? Until I met him, you would never have convinced me a person could be allergic to happiness." Leaning close to whisper conspiratorially to Sarah, "This one time, at band camp, I saw Casey smile and then develop a rash right after. It was sooo funny." He starts laughing again until it turns to coughing and he clutches his chest.

"Chuck! Everything all right?" Concern written on her face as he catches his breath.

"S'okay. Just might be moving too fast. Will have to make sure Morgan keeps things toned down or I could laugh myself to death." She stiffens at the offhand comment. "Don't worry Sarah, I'm sure between two doctors and two government agents my safety is guaranteed."

Pulling up to the curb and parking, she watches him stare at his home. There is a glistening in his eyes and she wonders if he doubted this day would come. The wall and gate look as normal as ever, but she can hear the music and talking from the courtyard. She knows he does too, seeing the transformation as he puts himself together piece by piece for the coming ordeal. He sends her a look to say he is ready and they both open their doors. Sarah climbs out and retrieves his bag from the backseat before coming around to his side.

Sarah fights the need to reach out and take hold of his arm. It's so hard to watch him struggle at something as simple as getting out of a car. But his eyes keep her at bay with the need to succeed on his own. One hand on the roof and one on the door frame, he tries valiantly to pull himself to his feet. He even endeavors to make a joke of it, "Did you go and have your car lowered even more? I don't remember feeling like I was sitting on the ground."

"Yep, I did it because I knew you'd complain. Now get off your ass before I yell for Casey and let him call you a wuss all afternoon."

"How would that be different from any other day?"

"Oh fine, just do it before I think of something real to threaten you with." Tapping her foot and looking all impatient, effect totally ruined by the twinkle in her eyes.

With fresh determination, he gives a final heave and reaches his feet. Before he has a chance to wobble, Sarah slips under his arm and grabs him around the waist. "You be quiet mister. A girlfriend has every right to walk arm in arm with her boyfriend. We have to look out for our cover after all."

At first, he tries to keep his weight off of her, but with each step he leans more and more. They make steady progress to the courtyard, sounds of the well wishers getting louder. Right before they come into view, she feels him straighten to walk on his own. He doesn't relinquish his hold on her though. They are assaulted by shouts and cries of joy as they enter. She steadies Chuck unobtrusively as he tilts backward at the rush of people coming his way. They both wear their biggest smiles and are soon surrounded in hugs. Sarah lets it go on until she senses the beginning of tremors in his knees. Shooting a look to Ellie, the doctor quickly takes over the situation.

"Come on people, let him breathe. Chuck, we have a place of honor all ready for you." Using her best bedside manner to not call attention to his infirmity. "Morgan wanted to decorate it to be more throne like, but cooler heads prevailed. And I didn't want to ruin the cushions."

They see one of the comfy living room chairs has been pulled out to the courtyard with a "Welcome Home Chuck" sign on the wall behind it. Reaching the seat, Sarah does her best to keep him from falling into it. While he gets comfortable, she drops his bag behind the chair and perches next to him. She drapes one arm around his shoulders and appears the doting girlfriend. All the while, ready to shut down anything that might be too much for him to handle in his fragile state.

Sarah has to stifle a laugh at Morgan's attempts to claim the other arm of the chair. Ellie constantly shooing him off as she does her part to keep Chuck from overdoing it. An impromptu receiving line forms and his friends approach one at a time to greet him. Morgan presents him with a couple of games that released during his hospital stay. A promise is made to let him have some time to practice before getting his butt kicked, repeatedly.

From Anna he receives an electronic gift card for Itunes so he can catch up on his music. Jeff tries to hand him a 6 pack of beer which Chuck graciously declines. Overall, Jeff seems happy with that arrangement as he goes off to get better acquainted with the beer. Lester says the beer was from both of them before chasing off after Jeff. Chuck is surprised to see Casey come up to welcome him home. Actually, it was more of a welcoming few grunts as he hands over a box. Looking inside, Chuck's eyes get wide. He sees one of Casey's bonsai trees and a small kit for the care of the tree.

"Are you sure about this big guy? I'm not the greenest of thumbs."

Shuffling awkwardly, Casey mumbles out, "I'll teach you how to take care of it." Sarah and Chuck both stare at Casey in shock at the gesture. He deepens his scowl before returning to his post by the punch bowl. So far, no one has been able to spike the punch and he means to keep it that way.

During it all, Sarah keeps her fingers on his neck and shoulders. Sliding back and forth in a soothing motion, she uses the contact to monitor his condition. This leaves her eyes free to keep track of the party goers. For some reason, she feels overly protective today even though there is nothing to worry about. Ellie and Devon bring up a gift.

"Bro, have we got the perfect gift for you. It's.......pretty cool and practical." Devon holds it up for him to get a good look.

"Gee, thanks. I've always wanted a set of resistance bands with ankle and wrist weights included. Look what they got me honey. Neat."

"Devon and I thought it would be perfect to help you with your physical therapy at home." Ellie says with a tolerant look.

"Oh sis, what am I going to do about you and your completely frivolous taste in gift giving." He heads off her remark with one of his smiles. Ellie almost tears up after all the nights spent wondering if she would see it again. She leans over so they can hug and Devon soon joins in.

With that, the party starts up again. Other members of the Buy More staff circulate into the courtyard as they finish their shifts. Big Mike even sends along a box of donuts. After opening, they find it to be only half a box and not even the good ones. Chuck falls asleep a couple of times during the afternoon and Sarah quietly stands her watch. Morgan does what he can, herding the main crowd away from his best friend. She feels warmth on her side where Chuck has leaned his head while dozing. His soft snores making her smile. The little pocket of normal that comprises Chuck's family and friends is all around her. Glancing from her bracelet to the party members, she frowns for a moment. They all know and care for him, but do not have a clue just how amazing he really is. Somehow, it seems so unfair to her. Living in their midst, mild mannered Nerd Herder by day and superhero at night. That thought brings her smile back, coughing to suppress a laugh when she pictures Chuck in a cape.

Movement under her caresses inform Sarah that Chuck is awake. Even more than awake, he is trying to get out of the chair. "Chuck? What are you doing? If you need something, I am sure Ellie or Morgan will be happy to get it for you."

Her heart skips a beat when presented with his full on smile and sparkling eyes. "We have to dance. It's our song and I really want to dance with you. Or at least rhythmically stand next to you for around 3 minutes while you help hold me up." He says with good natured laughter as he fights to his feet.

Sarah stands and pulls him up, stepping away from the chair for some room. She holds him close and whispers, "But Chuck, we don't have a song." She starts moving with him anyhow and tries to identify what's playing.

"We do now. After all this time as a fake couple, who would believe we don't have a favorite song? Just looking out for our cover." Before she knows it, Chuck is singing along. Breathing the words next to her ear as they dance.

"Oh....once in your life you find someone,

Who will turn your world around

Bring you up when your feelin' down."

"Ya....nothin' could change what you mean to me

Oh there's lots that I could say

But just hold me now

Cause our love will light the way"

"And love is all that I need

And I found it there in your heart.

Isn't too hard to see

We're in heaven."

Sarah closes her eyes, listening to Chuck and his off key attempt. It's the best song she's ever heard. "Why did you pick this as our song? Don't you think it's a bit much at this point in our fake relationship?" Her voice lacking any hint of rejection at his choice.

"I guess it fits with what I've been thinking lately. It was only a couple of weeks ago that I came close to missing out on the rest of my life, again. One thing about a hospital stay, it gives you lots of time to think. Sarah, I've been afraid to live my life. More to the point, afraid to lose the people in my life. Our mom and dad just up and left, that's good for the confidence and self worth. I believed for many years that Bryce and Jill had betrayed me. Another painful way to leave me feeling alone and lonely. That's why I'm still living here with my sister and working at the Buy More. If I don't meet anyone new, they can't leave me."

Holding him tightly, she listens to his story and can't stop comparing it to hers. Chuck keeps up the whispered monologue. "Honestly, I think that's what makes it so hard where you are concerned. I'm afraid to miss out on what could be. But with you, should I do that the loss is a near certainty and that is no better. If we date for real and the government finds out, then we get pulled apart. When I finally want to make a change, the change will turn into what I have tried so hard to avoid."

Drawing back to see her face, "But, I am done with fear. Well, at least the fear that does not involve running from bad guys with guns. From today on, no more being afraid of living. That means I am not going to be afraid of you, of us. When you think about it, I could do nothing and sometime down the road reassignment will take you away anyhow. I would rather lose after trying than spend more of my life stuck in neutral. I don't want to be afraid anymore."

She wants to say so much, throw caution to the winds, but she can't. Schooling her expression, "I believe the song is over. You should sit back down. And you're getting heavy." She tries to finish with a joke but can't get the smile to her lips. Sarah waits for it, but his face doesn't close down like it usually does after a rejection.

"It's okay. I'm not expecting any miracles today. We're like two runners in a race. Right now, I am in the lead. At the end of the day, there is only one finish line and we will both reach it. I can wait there for you." Looking around, he spots Ellie. "Hey, Ell, the party's been great but I think I need to get off to bed. I don't have anything left in the tank. Sarah wants to get home, can you help me?"

He sees a flicker of hurt on Sarah's face and leans in to give her a kiss. "Everything is fine, I am fine. I'm not upset or pushing you away. All that's going to happen is me sleeping for about the next 12 hours and you've already watched me do that plenty. Go home, Sarah. Take a break." Turning on his biggest smile, he hugs her with all the strength he has. "I expect you back tomorrow though. There is no way I will figure out these arcane exercise routines on my own."

Drawing him close, she brings him into another kiss before she feels ready to speak. "I'm sure we can make sense of it together. I will be here for you Chuck, never doubt it."

"Hasn't crossed my mind."

Devon steps up and offers an arm of support. "Come on Chuck, I've got you. Bet you can't wait to be in your own bed again. Don't worry Sarah, I'll take good care of our boy." They cross the courtyard as Chuck says his good byes.

Sarah's eyes don't leave him until he disappears into the apartment. As she turns to go, Ellie reaches out and pulls her into a hug. Her inborn impulse to resist lasts for barely a moment before she accepts the offered comfort. Surprising herself at how much she wants it.

After a few seconds, Ellie says, "He's going to be fine, thanks to you. You were amazing Sarah, never leaving him, always believing he would recover. The way my brother is, he probably got better just to make you happy. Go home and take care of yourself, you deserve it too. Chuck will be well looked after, I promise. And remember, you ever need anything, all you have to do is ask. You're part of our extended family now. Have a good night little sister."

Sarah gets misty eyed at the sentiment. They were certainly words she never expected to hear in her lifetime. "Thank you Ellie. I can't tell you what it means to me, what all of you mean to me." Squeezing back before breaking the hug. "I'll be back in the morning. And then off to work, hope I still remember how to run the machines." Her smile comes easily enough as she bids goodbye to Ellie and guests.

Something changes in the room and brings Chuck slowly awake. Confused, he reads 2:14 am on his alarm clock, mumbles "too early" and drops his head back to the pillow. Another light rustle of cloth catches his attention. Squinting, he looks around for the source. Startled by a shape in the window, he is about to yell before recognizing the familiar blond locks. "What's wrong Sarah, we have a mission? I have to say, not sure I'm ready for too much yet, can we tell the General I might need a few more days." He reaches to flip on his lamp.

"Leave it off." She climbs into the room, shuts his window and draws the shades. Near total black descends on the bedroom. He can make out the dark on dark shape of Sarah as she moves around by memory. Her voice coming out of the night, tentative and nervous, "Life is pain Chuck, at least for me it has been. You know some of my story. Actually, you know more of my story than I have ever wanted anyone to know." Sounds and half-glimpsed motions over by his computer desk lead him to believe Sarah is getting undressed.

"I know, I tend to pry....."

"Shh, Chuck, don't speak. This is hard enough for me as it is." Her rebuke is mostly filled with sadness and he goes silent for her. A dresser drawer opens as Sarah pulls out one of his t-shirts. "Everyone in my life I thought I could count on has left me. To be precise, every man in my life has left me. One way or another, they leave and I'm alone. So, I concentrated on school and then the CIA, trying to fill the void with something else." Slipping on the tee, she folds into his computer chair and tucks her legs under.

Staring across the room, Chuck fights the desire to hold his breath. He senses the importance of what is happening and what the next 5 minutes could mean to them both. With the illusion of a dark and empty room, Sarah is able to take the first steps to opening up. "It's like what they say, putting a round peg in a square hole. Your heart knows what it needs and I was coming up short in that department. No matter what I tried to shove in there, it was just swallowed up and the emptiness remained. After enough time, a person can get used to it. If you forget and allow yourself to slow down, the loneliness can become suffocating."

Her sniffles tore at Chuck's heart. He knew there were tears as well. So badly he wanted to rush across to her and wipe it all away and ruin everything she was trying to do in the process. For now, he was grateful for his weakened condition. He couldn't move fast enough to race ahead of his common sense. It took another minute before she was able to go on.

"I don't remember the exact moment it happened. It's one of those things you think would be accompanied by an epiphany. Leading to one of those crystal clear moments frozen forever in your mind's eye. But no. One day I was at work, cleaning a table off, and realized I was smiling for no reason. We didn't have a mission, there had been no cover date or even your lunchtime visit. An average and completely ordinary 3 something in the afternoon and I had nothing to run from or fear. That's never happened to me before. There was always the need to keep moving."

Silence stretches out, Chuck finding it harder and harder to leave the air so empty. Before he can break whatever spell holds her, she moves. Sarah pulls aside the covers and joins him in bed. Within moments they are curled together and, in the circle of his arms, he can feel the last remnants of tension drain from her body. "I'm not the same person anymore Chuck. I don't know who I am for sure. But I do know that you had something to do with it. And....and....I don't want to be afraid anymore."

The admission brings a sense of freedom as Sarah closes her eyes. With her defenses surrendered, she feels nothing but safe in the circle of his embrace and knows it is right with every beat of his heart. For Chuck's part, he realizes nothing more need be said tonight. Eyes drifting shut, he floats content with this most amazing woman in his arms. As a couple, they fall asleep with no fear of what is to come.

**The End**

**A/N:**** Thanks so very much to you all for the wonderful reviews and support. More stories to come.**


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